utopiate

I think dating is silly, because its momentarily letting your guard down just at the hope that someone will penetrate your armor and actually do more good then bad. Besides that you never know exactly how it went. You can sit and labor under the delusion that it might have been a bit more then you expected. You can make yourself believe that it was a success and everything went as good as it possibly could, but youll never know. Was I funny enough? Did I seem confident? Did they enjoy themselves even half as much as I did? Was I dressed okay? Did I smell okay? Did I look okay?

Thats why I dont date.

Im not the dating type. Im the self imposed solitude type.

Not that Im a bad person mind you. Ive held many girlfriends and treated them with the utmost respect and love. Im the one who moves mountains and drains oceans for a little bit of heartfelt sentiment on birthdays. Im a good guy.

I just get hurt a little too often then I like.

So I should stop.

Because its all pretty much a lie, no one will genuinely love anyone else. When they tell you they will always be there and they will protect you from the looming darkness, its nothing more then words, nothing more then fallacies. Girls are evil and so are relationships, a necessary evil but evil none the less.

It hurts too much some times, and not like a deaden ache but a relentless intense pain like having a shard of glass buried in my heart slowly grinding and cutting its way to freedom.

Work is at 4pm and my SG shirt came in the mail today along with my copy of XP Pro and Office Pro from Microsoft.

Let the good times roll.

- John