utahboy

I've probably not felt more insane in all my life. "Chaos suits me." I used to say. I don't know if that phrase holds true these days. As simple as it is, I really miss knowing she'd be there when I get home, no matter when it was. I miss the time spent doing absolutely nothing at all. And as strange as it may sound, it takes work and effort to build that serenity and tranquility that you call "home".

Anyhow, enough of my waxing sentimental. My anger is what I should be speaking of. I am overly angry right now. I have not ever been so in my life but feel my blood pumping with every beat, inching ever closer to explosion. I am angry that he has seen her, contacted her, violated the safety net I worked so hard to build. Fuck him. He should hope that he never sees me in person. I'm sure he won't but you never know. Cowards do sometimes come out of hiding. Hidden in plain view. Not the band but the phrase. I deserve safety and happiness and so does she. Perhaps her going back there to work was a mistake regardless of the hordes of money coming in. She did say however that she was like sand; the tighter you squeeze, the more that falls out the bottom.

I'm not squeezing, just being a loving caretaker.

Good day.