userlame

there was this one time in high school -- i think it was sophmore year -- and me and my girlfriend at the time decided to run away for the weekend. (she was my best friend through all of that year. even when we were together we were really just good friends) it all came about like "hey let's run away this weekend." "ok." so we ended up spending the weekend at her mom's place. yep. rebel us.
k so anyways on sunday we went downtown to hang out at the local coffee shop. i was out of smokes. and out of cash. that sucked. so i had to find a way to raise some money. well, we met up with all the other local kids that hung out there and it just so happened one of them had this 12 oz. bottle of bubble stuff. you know like the kind with the wand that you blow bubbles out of. so i'm bitchin about not having money and not being able to get smokes with this dude tells me he'll give me 50 cents if i can drink the whole bottle of bubble fluid. yikes.
after about half an hour of pestering all the kids hanging out there the pot had been raised to about $7.35. well fuck i says to myself. 7.35 just for drinking some soapy water? psh i can do that. well the kids are nice enough to get me a glass from up front so i can pour it all in there and down it right quick. the money is thrown together and the glass is laid before me. what the fuck i think...i need some smokes. so down the hatch it all goes. it wasnt as god-awful as i expected really. that's not to say it wasnt absolutely horrible though.
well, i get my money, i get my smokes and everyone is that i actually did it. didnt seem that big a deal. so i hung out a while longer then it was getting late so i decided to go home before school the next day. i walk my ass home. now precisely two hours from my time of consumption (down to the minute -- i was being scientific about the effects this would have on me) of the bubble solution, i get a strange quaking in my tummy. this doesn't feel so good. oh man, this REALLY doesnt feel so good. so i get up and hurry doublequick into the bathroom cause i think i'm gonna be sick. well, when i get in there it changes from "i'm gonna be sick" to "my ass is going to explode." so i drop my drawers and plop myself on the toilet. no sooner do i get myself seated than my anus opens itself and spews forth...liquid. pure liquid. not just any liquid either. it was straight bubble stuff. i shit you not (i shat in the toilet actually) there was nothing coming out of my ass but this bubble stuff. i could smell it. not only that, i took the leisure of looking into the toilet and sure enough...absolutely clear and bubbles were foaming up from the force with which it spewed from my ass. oh man that was bad. it was about this time my stomach decides to feel even worse. the sick feeling came right back and hit me like a ton of bubbles. so i grabbed up the garbage can that was sitting next to me....and to the maxxxx. it wasn't just any puke either. it was the most horrible retched evil stuff....pure bubble fluid. that god damn smell was overpowering. plus as i was puking it was forming masses of bubbles into the garbage can. looking back, it was pretty funny but at the time, i felt too awful to enjoy it. so then, i proceeded to sit for a good 5 minutes, feeling like a double ended faucet. that pours out only bubble juice. from both ends it was just pouring out of me. my guess is about half came out my ass, half came out my mouth. absolutely horrible times. i puked and puked and shat and shat and nothing but pure bubble solution was coming out either end. finally the spigots had run themselves dry, and i was left sitting on a toilet full of bubbles holding a garbage can full of.....yes, that's right. bubbles. to this day, i cannot fucking STAND the smell of that bubble stuff.

the end.

PS afterwards, i left the bathroom and felt right as rain. i got $7.35 for about 5 minutes of hell. not too bad a deal.