user209834982

I am a ruiner.

I've burned so many bridges and continue to do so. I push and push and push until people can't stand me anymore. No wonder I don't have any fucking friends.

I hate myself. My life. My job. My personality. My anxiety. My compulsions. Everything.

I know it'll pass. I know I'll feel better eventually. It's just so sad. So disappointing. Heartbreaking.

I need to do something that doesn't involve emotions. I'm glad to be going back to school in a little over a week. I like school, I like to be able to focus on something concrete. This semester will more than likely be extemely boring, but I need to bring my GPA up, so maybe these classes will give me that chance. My stress levels rise significantly when I'm in school but it's productive. I'm fretting over the grades and my future instead of emotional turmoil.

I just wish I had something in my life that brought me joy and not pain. Something to relieve that stress when I get so wound up that I want to run away.

*sigh*