Leave me Alone,
I don't want to talk.
I need no sound,
not even a needle.
Alone in the dark,
close the door,
and turn the lock.
Don't call my phone,
I'm all alone.
I don't hate you,
and no I'm not mad.
Just leave me be,
no need to be sad,
I need some time,
to think alone.
To write my thoughts,
not bitch and moan.
Ill be okay,
At least today.
This is a poem I wrote about 10 years ago, The last time i actually wrote. As you can tell, there were times in my life that i enjoyed being alone sometimes and it was okay and a good way for me to get through the struggles i had to deal with. But these days, It makes me so much happier to have someone to talk to. Im not sure if anyone is going to bother reading all of this, but if you do, I appreciate it. Ive always been an open book and honest to people, even if it's a painful truth. So if we ever find a chance to interact with one another, I would appreciate the honesty and respect my wishes for that, because even if I dont know you, lying to me will devastate me, And I really hope you arent the kind of person to do that to anyone. The Next Topic about my feelings I'd like to touch upon is loss. Because loss is something everyone can appreciate as an emotion, We all experience it in different ways and at different points in our lives. Whether its death or not. For me, there have been some death, but mostly its the kind of loss where people will just randomly leave my life, and im not talking about random people I barely know, I mean actual people with real emotions and real connections. Maybe I have a problem with meeting too many cowards that cant put into words their good-byes and would rather just leave without word. So another poem I had written years ago touches on that as well.
Good-Bye you say,
as you walk away.
puddle of blood,
red as the sun,
as it sets behind the hills,
far past the horizon,
you are leaving and chasing.
Leaving me here
in my own,
sorrow and regret.
The past is a brutal one,
yet all meant for the end,
and the ride to come.
The future is saying hello,
as you say good-bye.
I'd do anything,
to keep you around.
Call my name,
and let me know.
White as snow,
my face becomes,
As you leave,
causes me,
to see the ghost,
of you in my past.
Travel through time,
to make things right.
So far in the past,
you are out of sight.
One day my love,
i hope to see,
you in the future,
side by side,
next to me.
So as you can see, another emotion that I can touch upon along with the hope of someone coming back to me. I have a lot more to talk about so this will be a long one, But ill make sure people get an idea of the way I feel when im in a situation that involves one of these things. The next Emotion that happens a lot in my life is hopelessness. Sometimes I'm so very hopeless. Romantic even. But still unable to separate communities and acceptable etiquette involved within them. As im new to SG pretty much been following the people on here for years, but never really dove into is explicitly until recently. Im not sure how to treat people on here, Im not sure what some people are okay with, So ive tried to tread kinda lightly. Its hard for me sometimes, Because all I really want are people to talk to and hang out with, But as human nature would have it, A ton of the people on here are very sexually appealing. But since im new to a community like this, I feel awkward sometimes just saying things to some people. Maybe im crazy or silly, Im not sure. Overthinking probably. But back to my original point of this part. Hopelessness. With a hint of Romanticism. Probably something that can sum up most of the mixed emotions I feel when its hopeless, Its all of it. Its all the negative stuff, All at once with a huge crashing wave of just everything, Sends my head into a spiral, blows up my emotions, causes for everything to get to me, in both good and bad ways, Like my emotions are heightened to an extent of extremes. But not in the bipolar sense where its an extreme of one way or another...But in a way thats extreme all at one time.
I'm living in cupid's nightmare,
my heart is left,
raw and bear.
Cutting my arm,
helps the pain,
though never close,
to the vein.
The sight of blood,
dripping down my arm,
calms me down,
I mean no harm.
Addicted to the taste,
the warmth,
and the thickness.
Thicker than water,
taste of life.
Dark red color,
The realization of being alive,
my fascination through some knives.
Call me weird,
Call me sick,
Call me anything.
Blood is dripping,
and pain is sipping.
From the gauntlet,
of my heart.
Hear the sounds when they start,
the cries of cupid from my heart.
The dripping blood,
falling into mud.
One day you'll see,
It was meant to be.
My life is over,
I've cut to deep,
the blood was too much,
that it began to seep.
Through my clothes as i lie on the ground,
Being surprised of what i found.
Noone cries about my passing,
except for cupid,
you're probably asking.
What about the girl you knew?
the one who was there when you were blue.
Ill answer you with this line,
She left my life once upon a time.
I was cruel and i was mean.
Her old bestfriend's last name was greene.
The one i loved more than life.
Now is gone and i grabbed a knife.
I started cutting to get away from the pain.
But now I've cut too close to the vein.
I once said i couldn't live without her,
Not even sure why i bother.
My life is over,
I hope you see,
the things that mean the most to me.
Love of a friend,
or a partner.
Don't ever leave,
a person alone.
If you don't,
I promise you.
There will be no more,
Reason to cure,
the nightmare's of cupid.
And love will last,
even through the past.
This poem, Sums up the best friend and the person who meant the most to me my entire life. And the hopelessness felt after losing them, Even if it was my own fault they had gone. Not like the other parts of people ghosting me and stuff. This one just blew up in my face, Obviously after so many years of being without a person you learn to move on and live without them, But that pain never ceases to exist inside of you, Because that is what losing someone means. And the feelings of hopelessness inside can be heard by the good messenger himself. Obviously, My poems from 10 years ago have a lot of cutting and self-harm included in them, And im not really like that anymore, at least for the most part. I did relapse on valentines day, but aside from that it had been like 10 years since all this stuff was written. Now for my final thought of the hopelessness. Ive had my share of relationships, Near and Far. I've always been one to travel for love, or potential love, As I obviously haven't found that yet, btw if you're looking, Let me know, I might not be the most appealing thing to look at, but I swear I have a heart of gold and a great sense of humor. All jokes aside though, The worst feeling, The absolute WORST feeling in the entire world for me, Is having to see someone I love suffer, Whether I'm in love with them, or just really love them in the platonic way. And im sure TONS of people feel the same way, A lot of people would rather suffer than see people close to them suffer, Lots of writers of shows that attack this point are spot on. It's the worst thing you can do to someone is attack the people they love. This next and last poem is what I wish I could say to anyone I befriend or fall for online.
I can't help you,
when you're blue.
I can't help you,
when you're alone.
Miles away,
from my arms.
I reach my hand,
to grab your pain.
That I can erase,
with a grip that is strong.
My heart is yours,
I want no other.
I want it all,
I love you doll.
One day we,
will be together forever.
Until that day,
rest your eyes,
dream of me,
next to you.
Next to you,
as a savior.
That concludes my insane and absurd amount of typing. I've written a book and I hope someone reads it and comments on things, Maybe shed some feelings you have that are intense? Also, If you would like to read anything else about my emotions or my just writings from many year ago, As I intend to continue to do so soon enough in my free time again. Because it was once a passions and I feel my place is right inside my head to venture back to that creative time. Thank you for taking time out of your crazy days to read this. Lets be honest, You arent doing anything anyway cause of Corona. Hope you are all staying safe. <3
