uranusup

when i was a young boy
my mother said to me
there's a girl in the world for you but she probably lives in tahiti....








guess which one i am....

i am a nice person.....i am a nice person.....i am a nice person.....i am a nice person.....i am a nice person.....i am a nice person.....i am a nice person.....


ok....maybe not then............

someone, somewhere, somehow must love me........

was told tonite that i have a troubled soul.....

feeling strange....different.....probably the first time i've felt normal for a long time.......

let's go fuck that up then

saw her tonite, love her more.......bugger....

just got in from the pub...stood and looked up at the night sky.....my god is was beautiful, so unbelievably fantastic i lost my breath.
why do i not look up more often? it makes you think beyond the realms of man. fuck, i am nothing, a piece of shit, an atom. it all means more to me tonite........

feeling rather calm today, probably too calm as it know that it won't last....will it? will let you know after the friday night yeeeeh hawh!!

saw her tonite...had a heart to heart and realised that she is a friend...it's me being a twat.
i feel all protective of her now and only want her to have some lite in her life......it's my new mission....


still feel like a cunt tho...

had to get out of the house last night so went down the pub for a few pints (4 to be exact). Apparently i was a bad boy friday night and made a few comments to the landlady for which i apologised and suddenly realised that it does'nt matter anymore. I don't feel for her that way anymore.......never did. I do however think she is...
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i envy people who are religious becuase they have faith. with faith comes hope and therefore salvation.
i do not have faith so am without hope or salvation.
what is there to help me through my dark time if all hope is lost and salvation is absent?

how can you rid yourself of feelings? You make them seem a thousand miles away and then suddenly WHOOSH! they're back closer and more painful than before like a knife paring away deep into your soul getting rid of whats not yet black and hardened from the years of self suffering.

no money

no future

no life

no faith

no hope

i feel like a snail under the boot of an evil child...do it you little shit and stop this feeling of total loss and bewilderment...........

lost

alone

afraid

confused

sickened

betrayed

used

discarded

disparing

dying

crying in

FUCK IT

FUCK THEM

FUCK HER

FUCK EVERYTHING

FUCK WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE

IGNORE WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE

ENCOURAGE WHAT YOU CAN

LEAVE THAT LIFE BEHIND

GET A...
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