uranusup

no more talking about what i can't have whether it be because of her situation or my own decency...

she is without a doubt an angel... i love her....i do not know why but i do....she is without a doubt an angel amongst us...she is lovely...i am a shit....
she is lovely
she is a goddess
she is what i want
she is it
she
she
she, she told me that she loved me and like a fool i believed her from the start...
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I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING!!!!


help.......

sometimes it feels like i am swimming in mud

i have never written this down before but now is the time to say that i don't believe that there is a god, there cant be...just darkness..an end with nothing after.

fuck the whole idea of a higher being.

i want to cry but i can't

i want to die but i can't

i want to lay here for a thousand years but i can't

i want to die but i can't

i want to have a reason but i don't

i need a reason but there ain't

so i lay with the people who do

and enjoy the life that i used...


i...
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it's like that and that's the way it is.....



she is the one.....for now...

i hate my life...fucking loath it without any remorse.....

i need that girl.....help me....new blood....new life....someone who loves me.......

no matter how i try i have to admit i am in love
a young lady has entranced all that i am and that is
more than i can hold
i love her
i do not need her
i do lust after her
i do need her
slight glimpses of her
her beauty
her fashion
her life force
her need for someone
her pain
my...
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fear and self loathing in my soul

it keeps popping up like a bad friend looking for cash

like flyers thru your door for car loans

or personal loans

tapping you on you shoulder when stand looking at the sunset saying "remember me?"

it's your finger thru the toilet paper

a nose bleed down you best white shirt

a lost lotto ticket with 6 numbers...
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pay day

all i want is a hug

went to the park today...with the landlady and her 2 boys....she's had a big fuck off row with her man and needs a "friendly face" to talk to.
shit....the kids bond with me straight away, she's not wearing her wedding ring....i like this situation too much...she (and the kids) want to do this every week....so do i.......
she needs a friend and possibly more....she said...
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