So...this is what I did today:
slept til 1.
Laid in bed til 3.
hello depression
So my grandfather and I are not on good terms. He's not speaking to me and he emptied my bank account. Didn't realize PoA could do something like that.
He chewed me out last night when he had Wachovia print out my statement and saw how often I went out. Which is only 2 days out of the week and I never spend more than $40 combined in both nights, and usually my tips are 50%-100% of the bill. I don't know what it matters. It's my money.
So he told me in July he's done with me. That's when my lease expires.
And if I ever want any help from him, I have to move to NC and go to school where he can watch me and make sure I'm losing weight. How does my losing weight come into the picture?
I'm so sick and tired of losing weight and hearing about losing weight and everything having to do with weight. It's exhausting mentally, physically, emotionally.
So I've basically decided that I can't have a relationship with my grandfather anymore. I know that sounds drastic, but seriously, every day or every other day I'm getting a call about my weight. "Oh you've only lost one pound since last week and this week is almost through? Doesn't really sound like you're making sure you're doing right." How can I learn to love myself......if he can't love me the way I am. I know it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks, but it does when it's the closest thing to a dad you've ever had.
And I know that the way I'm doing it all, eating right and eating often....is the way to do it, but with all the fighting and pressure of losing weight.....I've gotten out of that habit. I've gotten into the habit of living off of Crystal Light, Green Tea, Water, Coffee, and Diet Cokes and nothing but a handful of veggies once or twice a day.
Dating has once again become the biggest pain in my ass.
I told myself I wasn't going to date anyone after "the boy." Then 2 dates with people I talked to for a couple of weeks before ever agreeing to go out with them. Never heard back from them after "date/hanging out #1" whatever the fuck you want to call it. No phone call, no nothing. That shit annoys me more than a dude saying "I'm not interested in you." Fine at least you were honest, but instead you're going to be a fucking coward and just blow me off and ignore me from now on...whatthefuck.
Life is a mess right now.
I'm alone in a city I hate.
Chicago is slipping through my fingers faster than sand.
I have no one to talk to other than to write in this fucking blog.
I don't know that I've ever felt this lost...other than the time my fiance broke my heart.
slept til 1.
Laid in bed til 3.
hello depression
So my grandfather and I are not on good terms. He's not speaking to me and he emptied my bank account. Didn't realize PoA could do something like that.
He chewed me out last night when he had Wachovia print out my statement and saw how often I went out. Which is only 2 days out of the week and I never spend more than $40 combined in both nights, and usually my tips are 50%-100% of the bill. I don't know what it matters. It's my money.
So he told me in July he's done with me. That's when my lease expires.
And if I ever want any help from him, I have to move to NC and go to school where he can watch me and make sure I'm losing weight. How does my losing weight come into the picture?
I'm so sick and tired of losing weight and hearing about losing weight and everything having to do with weight. It's exhausting mentally, physically, emotionally.
So I've basically decided that I can't have a relationship with my grandfather anymore. I know that sounds drastic, but seriously, every day or every other day I'm getting a call about my weight. "Oh you've only lost one pound since last week and this week is almost through? Doesn't really sound like you're making sure you're doing right." How can I learn to love myself......if he can't love me the way I am. I know it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks, but it does when it's the closest thing to a dad you've ever had.
And I know that the way I'm doing it all, eating right and eating often....is the way to do it, but with all the fighting and pressure of losing weight.....I've gotten out of that habit. I've gotten into the habit of living off of Crystal Light, Green Tea, Water, Coffee, and Diet Cokes and nothing but a handful of veggies once or twice a day.
Dating has once again become the biggest pain in my ass.
I told myself I wasn't going to date anyone after "the boy." Then 2 dates with people I talked to for a couple of weeks before ever agreeing to go out with them. Never heard back from them after "date/hanging out #1" whatever the fuck you want to call it. No phone call, no nothing. That shit annoys me more than a dude saying "I'm not interested in you." Fine at least you were honest, but instead you're going to be a fucking coward and just blow me off and ignore me from now on...whatthefuck.
Life is a mess right now.
I'm alone in a city I hate.
Chicago is slipping through my fingers faster than sand.
I have no one to talk to other than to write in this fucking blog.
I don't know that I've ever felt this lost...other than the time my fiance broke my heart.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
violently:
do it on your own. forget about school for now, and just find a job and save money and go. if you can save up enough money for a few months worth of rent, just move up there and find a job asap. school can come later.
slave2thegrind:
Well i'm in ATL, you can message me anytime if you want to get out. Sucks being depressed and sometimes its just good to get out and do something. 