unum

For over a year now I've wanted to move to Alberta Canada, it would be the first decision I've actually made for myself....as far as where I'm living is concerned.

I've always moved for the wrong reasons.

Mainly my mom. She said "we're moving to NC" so we went to NC.
Then she was planning to move to Atlanta, so she talked me into moving with her.
I know it's not her fault, I'm a big girl, I could easily have said no and stayed wherever....but I dunno...I felt this dedication to her, that if I didn't move with her, I'd be abandoning her and abandoning that dedication. Which is probably not true at all considering I see her once a month even if that. I might hear from her once a month.

I'm not happy in Atlanta. Even if everything on the outside of me screams that I am, inside my heart is slowly disintegrating, a hole the size of Texas of loneliness is inside of me...maybe I won't find happiness in Alberta....but I know this, I'll be doing something for me for once. I'll actually be moving somewhere that, I know absolutely no one. I'll have to make sure I get a job right away, because I won't be living with my mom, then once I get a job, getting into school and making that work. All while being completely on my own. I think it would free me. And I think I can find happiness in that. Not to mention, the weather there. It screams me. I love being able to wear fall-like clothing. Tights under shorts with big baggy off the shoulder sweaters, scarves galore, knee high boots, and rain boots. And of course, my knock off Tom's haha.