"...running across water should pose no problems for a true ninja"
A direct quote from the instruction manual of my new favorite game, Ninja Gaiden for the X-Box. It's not the most amazing game I've ever played by any means, but truly, any game with quotes like that is obviously made for me.
I apologize to any of my fine female friends who may have...
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A direct quote from the instruction manual of my new favorite game, Ninja Gaiden for the X-Box. It's not the most amazing game I've ever played by any means, but truly, any game with quotes like that is obviously made for me.
I apologize to any of my fine female friends who may have...
Read More
VIEW 25 of 35 COMMENTS
WHY I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU UP!
Brought to you by: It's Too Early in the Morning and My Eyes Feel Like Razor Wounds
- You start honking less than a second after the light turns green, if not a split second before.
- You see that the "do not cross" light is in full effect, but you waddle your fat ass across the street...
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Brought to you by: It's Too Early in the Morning and My Eyes Feel Like Razor Wounds
- You start honking less than a second after the light turns green, if not a split second before.
- You see that the "do not cross" light is in full effect, but you waddle your fat ass across the street...
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VIEW 25 of 34 COMMENTS
iggy:
i killed my ex wife
razzell:
I think your pretty. 
It has been brought to my attention that as many as most to all of you take one look at my lengthy journal entries and immediately click the back button on your browser. Most of you attribute this to a lack of time or whatever, but I don't buy that since one look into most of your recent comment logs will reveal mind-melting amounts of...
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VIEW 25 of 50 COMMENTS
soeffinhappy:
I'm not too worried about being wiped out by stronger, faster members. I make up for it with stupid faces.
tank_ex_mortis:
I refuse to say that. But if you stop with your longityness, I'll kill you.
Seriously bitch! Get out tha way!
I'm going to do something I haven't done in an incredibly long time: I'm going to update you with as much factual informatioin as possible with as little ninja referencing my limited brain can handle. So after having left my ninja compound in Ninja Land to see the Pacific north-west, I can only say that it's too fucking cold...
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I'm going to do something I haven't done in an incredibly long time: I'm going to update you with as much factual informatioin as possible with as little ninja referencing my limited brain can handle. So after having left my ninja compound in Ninja Land to see the Pacific north-west, I can only say that it's too fucking cold...
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VIEW 25 of 37 COMMENTS
irina:
Really nice to meet you last night! Now get me a fucking job!!!
johnnydelicious:
Is the Silent Hill piss in the Arlene's Grocery pisser? Trying to remember which places look like that when you don't visit any of them sober has made me second guess my ability to photographically recall every pee I have ever taken. Thank you Mr. Pabst.
Retro Journal!!!
Since I'm too busy getting ready for my Portland/Seattle trip to come up with anything entertaining, and I really hate telling mysterious online strangers too much factual information about myself, I've invoked the time honored Hollywood tradition of the clip-show. Much like a sitcom where the characters use the staff writer's laziness as a tool to reflect, the only new material you're likely...
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Since I'm too busy getting ready for my Portland/Seattle trip to come up with anything entertaining, and I really hate telling mysterious online strangers too much factual information about myself, I've invoked the time honored Hollywood tradition of the clip-show. Much like a sitcom where the characters use the staff writer's laziness as a tool to reflect, the only new material you're likely...
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VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
hatefulerin:
as someone who was voted "Most likely to become a nazi" like... a year ago, i'm in favor of any cartoon in which black people get what's coming to them.
yes, i'm replying to a 3 week old journal comment.
and your journal is too long for me to read.
yes, i'm replying to a 3 week old journal comment.
and your journal is too long for me to read.
hatefulerin:
oh shit, really? are you still in seattle-ish area, then?
I Got Served
There are only a few constants you can count on when it comes to me: I will live, I will die, and I will always pay money to see a movie about street dancing. This weekend was no exception. So forget what you think you know about the streets, because You Got Served shatters any notion you could have ever had, and...
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There are only a few constants you can count on when it comes to me: I will live, I will die, and I will always pay money to see a movie about street dancing. This weekend was no exception. So forget what you think you know about the streets, because You Got Served shatters any notion you could have ever had, and...
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VIEW 25 of 52 COMMENTS
jena:
oh god my roomie saw the commercial for that movie and said "Oh i wonder if your ex is going to see that", this was when i had to serve him w/ court papers, i DIED laughing.
Nice meeting you last week!! i'll be back in NY next week.
Nice meeting you last week!! i'll be back in NY next week.
clara:
Hey, baldy. How you doin'?
What a Newspaper Would Look Like if I Were Empresident of the Universe
Politics
Empresident Z has just been elected to his fifteenth consecutive term in the most powerful office known to man, robo-man, and beast-man. The victory is said to be largely attributed to his highly vaunted "Oral Sex Your Neighbor Day", which has just been expanded to occupy the entire Earth calendar year....
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Politics
Empresident Z has just been elected to his fifteenth consecutive term in the most powerful office known to man, robo-man, and beast-man. The victory is said to be largely attributed to his highly vaunted "Oral Sex Your Neighbor Day", which has just been expanded to occupy the entire Earth calendar year....
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VIEW 25 of 41 COMMENTS
er:
thanks babe
glad to see you're finally embracing your homosexuality
good for you, brave lil Z
see ya
glad to see you're finally embracing your homosexuality
good for you, brave lil Z
see ya
wraith7000:
Empresident...is that like emfamous?...you know, more than famous
THE ORIGIN
In observance of Marting Luther King Day, I have decided to reveal the origin of my NAACP compliant alter-ego, Legally Black.
1976 - The mother of Legally Black meets, marries, and does her thing with a man of unknown Latino descent. The possiblilities of the man being from outer-space have not been completely ruled out.
1977 - Latino space man gets cold feet...
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In observance of Marting Luther King Day, I have decided to reveal the origin of my NAACP compliant alter-ego, Legally Black.
1976 - The mother of Legally Black meets, marries, and does her thing with a man of unknown Latino descent. The possiblilities of the man being from outer-space have not been completely ruled out.
1977 - Latino space man gets cold feet...
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VIEW 25 of 43 COMMENTS
minimalism:
Snakemann wants to be added to your friend's list. [approve] [delete]
freyja__:
*coughthisisaweekoldcough*
So as most of you may already know, I don't usually like keeping you up to date on anything that's actually happening in my life. I'd rather use the space to trick you into believing that I'm some sort of anti-matter space ninja with uncanny sexual powers. I don't do this because I'm some highly guarded government secret, I do it because other than the...
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VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
misterusername:
Yo, you have smoke screens? I carry a bag of confusion powder around with me that I blow in people faces. This shit gives me the power to confuse people long enough so I can kick them in the balls and take their Rolex.
Have you ever seen the book abou how to be an Urban Ninja? You should check it out, it's dope.
All black people are time bombs. That's because a mad scientist in Africa made a bunch of robots with self-destruct sequences pre-programmed and called them Africans. He was a European dude who was mad at the Pope because he wouldn't let him into the boy orgies at the Vatican. So he took his flying ship to Africa and mad a bunch of black robots for the Europeans to enslave and ship around the world. Now they just blow up everywhere. Fucker.
Mad scientists are a plague.
Best dance music ever is that group Eifle 65 with their hit single 'Blue'.
Have you ever seen the book abou how to be an Urban Ninja? You should check it out, it's dope.
All black people are time bombs. That's because a mad scientist in Africa made a bunch of robots with self-destruct sequences pre-programmed and called them Africans. He was a European dude who was mad at the Pope because he wouldn't let him into the boy orgies at the Vatican. So he took his flying ship to Africa and mad a bunch of black robots for the Europeans to enslave and ship around the world. Now they just blow up everywhere. Fucker.
Mad scientists are a plague.
Best dance music ever is that group Eifle 65 with their hit single 'Blue'.
wraith7000:
Ah Yes, a fine time at the arcade is much better than an akward tricksey time avoiding accidental ball touchings anyday...
I'll obtain communication info from the errrrrrr when I arrive in yo fine town.
I'll obtain communication info from the errrrrrr when I arrive in yo fine town.
Unnecessary Z Break Dancin' on Yo Planet Once Again!
Here's a simple rule that will probably always be applicable to your everyday life: Never travel into outer-space. It's cold, there's twice as many laser related crimes, and the Space Police have little to no actual laws regarding jet packs. I thought it would be cool to see the galaxy up close at first, but it...
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Here's a simple rule that will probably always be applicable to your everyday life: Never travel into outer-space. It's cold, there's twice as many laser related crimes, and the Space Police have little to no actual laws regarding jet packs. I thought it would be cool to see the galaxy up close at first, but it...
Read More
VIEW 25 of 41 COMMENTS
wraith7000:
Hey woman!
i'll be in your city next week, we should grab beers and look at transformers
i'll be in your city next week, we should grab beers and look at transformers
raglegumm:
Yeah I know, I try too hard. I just really wanted to put that poster pic in a thread, though.
and probably a few other things, but funny is def up there