unnecessaryz

Ahhhhhhhhh

You know that invigorating feeling you get when you quit a job? I'm having sex with that feeling right now. It's well earned too, since I've spent the last two weeks busting my ass to get that fine motha' fucka' in the sack. If this feeling had foreplay, it would be all those little things you take care of in order to gradually erase yourself from the workplace. Deleting your company email account. Turning in your keys. Throwing out all the magazines you kept in the shitter. Each act bringing you one step closer to finally bagging that cock-tease of a feeling.

The best part is that I don't have to stop enjoying that feeling anytime soon. I'm on vacation now. Paid vacation. That means the feeling I'm currently desecrating with my crotch just invited her bi-sexual friend over to assist us in anyway she can using nothing but her mouth.

Then I start a new job. A higher paying job. That's like running into an old girlfriend while you're with your new, hotter, smarter, super girlfriend. There's nothing you can do there except put your hand on old job's shoulder, scrunch your face up into a convincing mask of sympathy and say "I'm sorry, baby. But, well... look at her!"

So while I'm on this sexual explosion of a two week paid vacation, I've compiled a list of things I'd like to accomplish.

- Find a source of Crunk Energy Drink besides the elusive Lil' John promo van.
- Go to my gym during the day and hit on the mysterious race of daytime fitness ladies. According to my brother, their booties are off the chain.
- Find a better reason for my brother and I to get stabbed this New Years other than scuffing some guy's shoe. He didn't actually stab us, but he said he totally would have if his girlfriend wasn't there. That and the fact that we would have handed him his ass in several bite sized parts.
- Pick one of the dozens of unfinished screenplays I have laying around and finish the shit out of it.
- Not masturbate.
- Make out with someone on a dance floor.
- Do a backspin on the same dance floor.
- Get into at least one full blown karate showdown. To help avoid disappointingly non-karate situations, I will walk away from anyone who is unable to demonstrate the short form of the tiger. I'll consider it a Christmas miracle if Al Leong somehow manages to get involved. Anyone will tell you that no martial showdown is complete without his blessing.