Boredom Just Kicked Me in the Dick and Left Me for Dead
Every once in a while, I'm overcome with such a complete sense of boredom that it turns me into the most unlikable non-child star that you've ever met.
If I wanted to sound like a new age dip-shit, I'd probably attribute it to the moon, since it seems to happen in cycles. If this is the case, it would basically make me some kind of apathy werewolf. But instead of a cool transformation sequence in which I yell at my girlfriend to run away as my bones reshape, I just kind of let my whole body go slack while my eyes roll back in my head in a look of constant and punchable sarcasm.
This isn't to be confused with laziness or depression. I rarely suffer from the latter and the former can be characterized by the inclusion of a video game controller. No, the boredom attack is very different in that I actively try to find something that will maintain my interest, and nothing can help me short of a deadly street race where I get bonus points for hitting pedestrians with my lizard shaped car.
The level of disinterest on my part is so severe that it affects everyone around me and everything I do, and the next 72 hours will basically look like this:
- I wake up early because I'm restless and I don't feel like sleeping anymore.
- I turn on the X-Box and turn it off about thirty seconds later without putting a game in because I realize all my games suck.
- I turn on the computer to write, but before I can even type one word, I get bored and get online.
- I log onto SG and browse, but my attention span is too short to think of clever ways to totally diss people. I think about updating my journal, but the very idea really, really bores the shit me.
- Someone tries to IM me, but I quickly grow weary of using each message to explain the last one since I'm too bored to properly express myself through typing and it's confusing people.
- I go to the gym and try to work out, but working out is really intense...intensely BORING.
- I try to play video games again, but I soon remember that all my games suck today.
- I try to look at some porno, but we all know that shit is pretty boring even on a normal day. Blowjob doggy facial repeat. Thank God for gag porn.
- I try to hang out with people, but soon realize that I'm having the same problem with real conversations as I was with IMing. It becomes obvious at that point that explaining to people why you're bored is more boring than anything ever.
I apologize to all of you who didn't get bored of seeing the word bored over and over again and actually read this far. The stunning lack of humor is due in part to the fact that I started writing this at 9:00 this morning and it's now 2:30. BORED!!!
On another note: This picture will KICK YOUR ASS
Every once in a while, I'm overcome with such a complete sense of boredom that it turns me into the most unlikable non-child star that you've ever met.
If I wanted to sound like a new age dip-shit, I'd probably attribute it to the moon, since it seems to happen in cycles. If this is the case, it would basically make me some kind of apathy werewolf. But instead of a cool transformation sequence in which I yell at my girlfriend to run away as my bones reshape, I just kind of let my whole body go slack while my eyes roll back in my head in a look of constant and punchable sarcasm.
This isn't to be confused with laziness or depression. I rarely suffer from the latter and the former can be characterized by the inclusion of a video game controller. No, the boredom attack is very different in that I actively try to find something that will maintain my interest, and nothing can help me short of a deadly street race where I get bonus points for hitting pedestrians with my lizard shaped car.
The level of disinterest on my part is so severe that it affects everyone around me and everything I do, and the next 72 hours will basically look like this:
- I wake up early because I'm restless and I don't feel like sleeping anymore.
- I turn on the X-Box and turn it off about thirty seconds later without putting a game in because I realize all my games suck.
- I turn on the computer to write, but before I can even type one word, I get bored and get online.
- I log onto SG and browse, but my attention span is too short to think of clever ways to totally diss people. I think about updating my journal, but the very idea really, really bores the shit me.
- Someone tries to IM me, but I quickly grow weary of using each message to explain the last one since I'm too bored to properly express myself through typing and it's confusing people.
- I go to the gym and try to work out, but working out is really intense...intensely BORING.
- I try to play video games again, but I soon remember that all my games suck today.
- I try to look at some porno, but we all know that shit is pretty boring even on a normal day. Blowjob doggy facial repeat. Thank God for gag porn.
- I try to hang out with people, but soon realize that I'm having the same problem with real conversations as I was with IMing. It becomes obvious at that point that explaining to people why you're bored is more boring than anything ever.
I apologize to all of you who didn't get bored of seeing the word bored over and over again and actually read this far. The stunning lack of humor is due in part to the fact that I started writing this at 9:00 this morning and it's now 2:30. BORED!!!
On another note: This picture will KICK YOUR ASS
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
Good call on the uniforms, and if I might give a small piece of advice: neon lights. Lots of 'em. Like Tron, only MUCH tougher-looking. Oh, and not like that fat guy with the camel-toe who made his own and whose picture you saw all over. the boards.
It'll need an on/off swith, too, since it won't do to be lit up during secret raids and assassinations and shit. How many S's are in that word?
Hope your boredom gets better. go find some little kids to hit in the head with bricks or something. Then run.