CAPTAIN Z'S WORLD OF THE EXCITING AND HILARIOUS
- The lasting effect that the game Hitman: Contracts is having on my behavior is becoming overwhelming. My patience has never been better. I'm uncontrollably compelled to sneak everywhere. And to top it all off, I find a way to hide a weapon in nearly everything I eat. I know most of you are probably thinking "that sounds fucking awesome!", but you're wrong. The words you're really looking for are "you're a fucking retard". So you got one out of four words right. Not bad.
- After months and months of unchecked jealousy toward Max Brooks for writing the book I wanted to write, I finally read The Zombie Survival Guide. So in the same vein as the aforementioned news, I have been propelled into a constant state of zombie attack awareness. The book was so complete and convincing that I was left wondering why I don't even own a machette or a bolt action military rifle. Under-preperation like this will leave only one thing left to ponder these questions: my fleshless corpse. So if you happen to be drunk and stumbling toward me in the near future, I recommend that you at least try speaking to me. You may not make much sense, but I guarantee slurring will result in 100% less crow-bar in the brain than drunken moaning.
- The other night while I was sleeping next to my girlfriend, I had a dream that I told her I want to "fuck her hardcore". Upon waking, I was informed that this was not a dream and was in fact followed by a series of unpromted boob kissing. In the animal kindgom, that's what they call fucking smooth.
- Finally, after ten years, I shaved off my stupid goatee. Apparently it was enough time for me to forget that I originally grew it because I have no chin and a fat head. You'll see what I mean soon enough.
- The lasting effect that the game Hitman: Contracts is having on my behavior is becoming overwhelming. My patience has never been better. I'm uncontrollably compelled to sneak everywhere. And to top it all off, I find a way to hide a weapon in nearly everything I eat. I know most of you are probably thinking "that sounds fucking awesome!", but you're wrong. The words you're really looking for are "you're a fucking retard". So you got one out of four words right. Not bad.
- After months and months of unchecked jealousy toward Max Brooks for writing the book I wanted to write, I finally read The Zombie Survival Guide. So in the same vein as the aforementioned news, I have been propelled into a constant state of zombie attack awareness. The book was so complete and convincing that I was left wondering why I don't even own a machette or a bolt action military rifle. Under-preperation like this will leave only one thing left to ponder these questions: my fleshless corpse. So if you happen to be drunk and stumbling toward me in the near future, I recommend that you at least try speaking to me. You may not make much sense, but I guarantee slurring will result in 100% less crow-bar in the brain than drunken moaning.
- The other night while I was sleeping next to my girlfriend, I had a dream that I told her I want to "fuck her hardcore". Upon waking, I was informed that this was not a dream and was in fact followed by a series of unpromted boob kissing. In the animal kindgom, that's what they call fucking smooth.
- Finally, after ten years, I shaved off my stupid goatee. Apparently it was enough time for me to forget that I originally grew it because I have no chin and a fat head. You'll see what I mean soon enough.
VIEW 25 of 46 COMMENTS
jason:
please do whatever you need to do to make that little goateed head spin.
amitabha:
w00t w00t nigga