unnecessaryz

I now regret my choice of profile pic with the increasing use of pirate talk around here. Yes, I'm wearing an eyepatch, but it's not for pirate related reasons. It was a sexual aid for the phone sex client I was speaking to when the picture was taken. How can he pretend to be fucking a young boy with one eye if I don't SOUND like a young boy with one eye? I have to feel the part. But enough prattle! Today is the day I enter bitchy Seinfeld mode.

- My downstairs neighbor has the hugest alarm clock ever, one that I have christened Alarm de Catastrophe. Why is it so huge? Why can I hear it as soon as I enter the building? Why is it going off at 7:30 PM? If he's even there, why isn't it waking him up? I'm awake. If he's not there, why is it set to go off? I think these are questions that can only be answered by devious use of a credit card, a sledge hammer, and zero motha' fuckin' tolerance.

- I made the mistake of eating tex-mex today. It's cheapness always catches me off guard. Why are there more tex-mex establishments in NY than I've ever seen anywhere else? It's not a chain and none of them seem to be connected. Why is every single one of them run entirely by Chinese people? What is the connection between Mexican food with a Texan flair served with Chinese sensibility? I'm not sure how I want you to take that, but I will say that the food never lets me down in the sucks ass department.

- Why am I getting mad crushed on exclusively by gay guys? Can they sense a divorced man in the same way a woman can sense a married man? Because no woman has approached me since I've been separated, but they wouldn't leave me alone while I had a ring on my finger. Do gay men see the defeat in my eyes and try to use it to lure me into a more suggestive state through cunning use of their dicks? Well fellas, it ain't working...yet. Maybe I haven't got the right offer yet, so, I don't know, keep trying I guess. There's no such thing as bad publicity or some shit.