unnecessaryz

If love were gauged by journal entry frequency, not only would it mean that I completely hate all of you, it would also mean that I chained you in my basement and forgot about you until the day I tripped over your bones while looking through my old comic book collection. As it turns out, love isn't gauged that way, and I still love almost every single one of you. Also, if that's how humans measured love, expressing my feelings for you through dance would be rendered completely meaningless, and that would be a waste of my hot naked body and matching bow tie.

If you're looking for a reason beyond "the internet is stupid" to explain where I've been, then I'm sorry to disappoint you. But if you feel that you need more closure, I guess I can throw in a little "Well, there's this hot girl...oh, and Soul Calibur III is pretty awesome, except for the lack of a team battle mode." Regarding the latter point, luna, waxangel, I'm going to guard break you both until you're left with no other option than to attack me in real life in order to make up for your inadequate video gaming.

In more me related news, Shaved TV for The Shaved Report is going to be a reality very soon. Since that's an admittedly vague release date, I'll narrow it down a bit more: You'll hear my seductive voice delivering jokes on your computer before the next time you get laid. This also explains my new hard hitting profile picture. If that's not the face of someone who is ready to bring you the news at any cost, break your funny bone into several pieces, and fuck your girlfriend, then I don't know what is. So keep checking the video section in the hopes of seeing more than my shit-eating grin. Additionally, if you need to know what's going to set us apart from other new parodies, fucking check this:


Halloween was equal parts awesome and a bust. I began growing a beard in anticipation of
my costume, but as the date drew closer, I realized I had no desire to party on Monday, the hardest day of my week. With no weekend plans to speak of, I scrapped the costume, but kept the inexplicably sexy beard for continued experimentation in the field of hot women touching my face. Basically I just wanted to put the following pictures into the proper frame of reference.


Feeling immediately alienated at a costume kareoke party for my lack of a costume, I donned a hilariously large football comentator's headset and made a desperate plea for friends.


I was then welcomed by Princess Leah and Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force despite our costume related differences.


But they soon realized their fatal mistake when I sacrificed Carl's balls in the name of treachery.


...and stole Princess Leah's phaser to help aid my quest to steal all of their hot chicks.


After my unmatchable rendition of MC Hammer's U Can't Touch This, I realized that I didn't even need a phaser to find the hot chicks. They came to me.


I then spent the rest of the night with said hot chick in several adorable poses brought to you by no less than totally drunk.