unkyjar

I have no idea how I'm going to handle being in a poly relationship. It was different before when I was just her lover, but now that I'm a boyfriend too it's going to be hard because I have to allow myself to be emotionally vulnrable, and I'm not good at that.

It's probably why I have become friends with every girl I've ever crushed on. I'm too chickenshit to make a move early on and I get shuttled into the friend catagory, it sucks being scared of rejection.

But back to the topic at hand, it was wierd doubleteaming my girlfriend with her fiance. I didn't get jealous, but I hope it doesn't freak me out further down the line. The fact that she's completely in love with me, AND lusting after me every day doesn't make it easier. I feel like I'm carrying waaaaay too many expectations. But on the good side it has given my self confidence a boost. When a poly girl who has had that much sex praises you, you kinda take it to heart.

Anyway, as I said before...this is a journal to post all my insecurities so they don't interfere with my life. LJ, MySpace, and Friendster have waaaaay too many RL friends and aquaintences for me to actually open up.

I think I'll nap now, then smoke a bowl and go out visiting friends.