So the guy who signs the checks (that cheap fucking italian bastard) and I sat down and talked. He knows I'm not happy. I don't think he knows why. But he knows I'm not happy. He also knows that I'm looking in to other options. He let me know that normaly when he hears rumors like he's been hearing, he finds a replacement imediately and calls it done with. I informed him that I'm not in a position to just get up and leave so he need not worry about me just quiting one day. That I was a little offended that he thought I might give him no notice if I was leaving. He appologized.
He told me that he realy wants to keep the crew he has together right now. That for once he's found a group of people that can all work together and accomplish amazing things and he realy dislikes the idea of loosing any of his boys right now. It was a fairly regular conversation between boss and employee. Nothing awkward just laying it out. Then he told me he realy values the boys he's got right now... I just stared at him.
After a long awkward moment I told him that I've begun to realize that I have to look at my life like an investment portfolio. That if someting has yet to pay off the way it should you've got to change something. I hope he got it. I realy hope he got it.
He told me he has plans for me that could be good for the company and good for me but it likely would hinge on me being around. Not taking those other options. After another long awkward pause I told him that whatever goes down he's got my services untill the end of next summer as I lack the funds to just up and go right now and I need to sort things out in my skull anyway. He told me that if he followed through with these plans I would be needed for a lot longer than that. My response was that if the payoff looked good enough he'd have me. He nodded.
I then went back to slugging it out in the pit and making him money.
Why is it that every time I comit myself to a course of action I'm handed shit that gums up the works. Why the fuck do I always have to be a cold emotionless machine in everything I do. I'm in a line of work where loosing your head means someone can and most likely will die. This responsibility comes with long periods (sometimes weeks) withought sleep. On top of that hundreds of thousands of dollars can be lost with one guy in a thirty man crew not tightening four bolts. Freindships fall apart around you as someone says the wrong thing one to many times and people refuse to see reason. Fist fights are one wrong word or one aggresive drunk away all the time. The few people you feel you can trust will rape you with a power drill if it means another ten bucks in their pocket. Freinds and lovers fall to alcoholism, drug addiction and worse things regularly and everyone around you is carrying a knife for your back... Through all of this I have to remain a cold uncarring machine. I have to keep my head. I have to not care...
I have wept more (and I mean curled up in the fetal position like a hungry angry baby getting a spinal tap) since December than I have in my entire life.
How do I stop carring? I love what I do... How the fuck do I stop carring?!?
He told me that he realy wants to keep the crew he has together right now. That for once he's found a group of people that can all work together and accomplish amazing things and he realy dislikes the idea of loosing any of his boys right now. It was a fairly regular conversation between boss and employee. Nothing awkward just laying it out. Then he told me he realy values the boys he's got right now... I just stared at him.
After a long awkward moment I told him that I've begun to realize that I have to look at my life like an investment portfolio. That if someting has yet to pay off the way it should you've got to change something. I hope he got it. I realy hope he got it.
He told me he has plans for me that could be good for the company and good for me but it likely would hinge on me being around. Not taking those other options. After another long awkward pause I told him that whatever goes down he's got my services untill the end of next summer as I lack the funds to just up and go right now and I need to sort things out in my skull anyway. He told me that if he followed through with these plans I would be needed for a lot longer than that. My response was that if the payoff looked good enough he'd have me. He nodded.
I then went back to slugging it out in the pit and making him money.
Why is it that every time I comit myself to a course of action I'm handed shit that gums up the works. Why the fuck do I always have to be a cold emotionless machine in everything I do. I'm in a line of work where loosing your head means someone can and most likely will die. This responsibility comes with long periods (sometimes weeks) withought sleep. On top of that hundreds of thousands of dollars can be lost with one guy in a thirty man crew not tightening four bolts. Freindships fall apart around you as someone says the wrong thing one to many times and people refuse to see reason. Fist fights are one wrong word or one aggresive drunk away all the time. The few people you feel you can trust will rape you with a power drill if it means another ten bucks in their pocket. Freinds and lovers fall to alcoholism, drug addiction and worse things regularly and everyone around you is carrying a knife for your back... Through all of this I have to remain a cold uncarring machine. I have to keep my head. I have to not care...
I have wept more (and I mean curled up in the fetal position like a hungry angry baby getting a spinal tap) since December than I have in my entire life.
How do I stop carring? I love what I do... How the fuck do I stop carring?!?
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a night of dancing!!
come to the party. you know you wanna...