unholyroach

i think im depressed, its probably just the Accutane.

i dont even know what to talk about today...

i feel so weird lately, foreign perhaps.

it doesnt feel like the holidays at all... ive done no shopping, dont have a single decoration in my possession, havent eaten anything made of gingerbread or shaped like a douglas fir.... *sigh*

i got burned pretty bad by someone i thought was genuinely interested and it still has me pretty bummed that i allowed myself to be that vulnerable and get used... i dont understand why people have to treat other like shit. ive never been that way to just use someone to get what i want out of them and then cut them off and disappear. i dont know if it is my naivety, low self esteem, ignorance, or what but im getting deja vu of gettin burned far too often.

going on month 10 of the single life and i cant say im loving it much these days...

im kind of all around lonely. i dont really talk to any family, all of my closest friends live 1000s of miles away or are too busy to give me the time of day (some friends huh), i obviously have no love interest.... i know i sound like a total fucking downer right now. im just stuck in a rut. i dont know what to do with myself. i just work and come home and pay bills and read and update this stupid thing and sleep and then repeat most days.

Trapt is coming Saturday, im sure ill go and end up alone. Also Weezer is coming right before my bday and only playing the blue album and pinkerton in their entirety!!! i will be buying those tickets first thing tomorrow morning!!!!!

still cant decide what to do for my bday. i want to travel somewhere so badly but i dont enjoy travel completely solo. all the experiences just arent the same to me. maybe i should just go on a cruise or something... dont want to do chicago again, not feeling seeing family in kentucky, Portland got shot down a long time ago, My bestie in Seattle is currently stationed in Germany and i cant afford that awesome of a trip yet.... hmmmmm what to do, what to do...

im just rambling away...

i need something new and exciting in my life... but what should it be???

Oh! so get this shit... in the summer my AC broke and it took 2 weeks to fix. winter came andmy heat broke, took a week to fix that. come home yesterday and NO water! Call to say hey come fix this they say yeah we know its broke and dont know when itll be fixed! wtf kind of an answer is that? bitch said it super rude and then hung up on me! i didnt get water back until 4pm today! i hate these ghetto ass apartments with all of these weirdo creeps living all around me. BAH!

im a total Scrooge this season... how lame of me... this is usually my favorite time of year.