undeserving

well it's been a few days and no comments. i suppose when you don't update for nearly 3 weeks you seem to fall off the map. no big thing, i probably would have done it too.

it wasn't too bad of a weekend. i finally got my new helmet back from getting painted. if i had a camera i'd post pictures but i'll just have to surfice to say that it's friggin sweet. of course what do i do with it right away though? crash over the bars and scratch it up on lap two of it's first race. in fact i crashed in both motos so my results friday night were not too great. fortunatly though i have some money now which means i can race this comming weekend too and not feel guilty about it.

saturday was the Islero show at the 8th note and it was good. they're a bunch of super nice guys who always bring the rock. afterwards it was off to pizza shuttle and then the cambridge estate. the party was all of me, b-rad, jason, and jason's friend (casandra?). i think most of the people who went anywhere went to meg's seeing as how that's where the bands went. some how this creepy old guy who hangs out at the 8th note found his way there at about two in the morning. jason anounced that everyone was invited to the cambridge estate but we have no idea how he knew which house it was. we were watching food network and he just walked into the living room, offered us vodka (which was declined), and left. 'twas f-ed up.

today i've just wasted with masturbation and video games. looking at this site though only seems to serve as a reminder for how lonely i've been lately. for the first time in my life i'm left with multiple options and don't have a decisive conclution for what i should do. it seems like everything i have is a dead end for one reason or another but i don't want to just wait for something entirely new because that would mean being alone for who knows how long. i wish i was one of those people who can enjoy being single.