undeserving

maybe the amount of caffiene that i currently have pumping through my veins combined with the fact that it's currently 4:17 in the morning on the 15th hour of a last-minute paper writing spree have me a little loopy, but i just realized something as i took a break for a bowl of Count Chocula (only $2 a box!) and the bathroom. as much as i always thought it was a really stupid idea, and one that would be impossible for me even if i didn't think it was nuts, i seem to have fallen into a "life with no regrets" type existence. i'd always held onto (or thought i did at least) regrets as bitter reminders of past fuck-ups that help force the issue of not making the same mistake twice. i only realized about 8 minutes ago though that all the things i currently regret are quite recent and that the pain of all my regrets of the past years have seemed to fallen away. the lessons learned remain, but in time the ends justify the means.

i should cut this off here because anything more would just be (even worse) incoherent babbling.

"is it "cigaretts and coffee" now or dreams to be remembered?
i'll leave regrets for dead and sing along"