undeserving

i am my own worst enemy. how many times do i have to fuck myself over and let myself (and anyone and everyone around me) down before i finally do something about it? i can't quit everything though. i'm too far into school and debt to back out now, but i don't really want to either. i just have no work ethic and that is something that just simply can't be. i can't keep up with all the resposibility i take on with the organizations i'm a part of. but as previously mentioned i have no work ethic and rarely, barely, get my other school related things accomplished either. i'm too much of a hopeless romantic to give up on love, despite having never been in love. everything that comes my way that warrants me getting my hopes up for something just sends me running scared before too long. i am phychotic, i am not self-confident, i am not attractive, and i have cheated. i am everything that i shouldn't be, but i still wish that i had someone to be a part of my let-down of a life? apparently i'm crazy too.