uncommoncold

After two phone calls last night- one from a friend wondering how I've been doing lately, and the other from my mother offering me love and money for shoes and groceries and laundry detergent and other such things- I'm feeling somewhat better. Why do I let life curbstomp me like this? It's spring, for chrissake! This is the time for walks in the park, pineapple shared on grassy knolls, kisses on the cheek, and warm weather crushes that never come to fruition. It's not the time for crying, being so miserable that you struggle to get out bed in the morning, or getting fed up with absolutely every little obstacle that happens to be in your path. It's not the time for destruction.

It's time for me to conquer all of that, baby. May isn't going to know what in the fucking fuck hit it.

I sat in the sunshine in the courtyard outside of a building at school today, trying to memorize verb conjugations and learn how to use the passive periphrastic in its proper context. (Neither of these missions turned out to be successful, but I did end up having a positively delightful conversation with a sweet boy about summer plans..)

The exam itself wasn't awful, but I certainly didn't rock it with the force of ten hurricanes. Could've used a textbook or some sort of Latin mentor to pull me through. (I'm looking in your direction, Tarqu1n!)

I think I'm going to have a nap. It's so lovely to be entirely without obligations for a night. I'll probably attempt to start cleaning out my room for the move, and I best begin by throwing the things away that I don't need. Wrinkled, faded movie ticket stubs from seven years ago and clothes I will never wear again just add to the clutter, and clutter isn't what I need.

Reading through past letters is dangerous territory to cover.

[Dear Alison,

Ten days (but who's counting) until you're a teenager! What an exciting birthday for you and also a very exciting time of your life. The next few years will have some trying moments for you, but with your good basic common sense, I know fortune will be on your side.

love,
Grandma & Grandpa]

There's more, but I can't get over how that was nearly eight years ago. That's crazy-go-nuts, right there.

[As cheesy and stupid as this sounds, you are my reason for going to history class. I can't bring myself not to see you. I want to throw woodchips at you and say you are icky.

If I asked?

Your eyes are a very lovely brown, but I say that to all the girls.

Would it be okay if I kissed you?

What is the sound of falling for someone? Thud.

Letters on looseleaf. You get the idea.

Thud,
C.]

How, oh how, were you able to box me across the ears a year and a half later? How was I able to cheat on you so many times without bringing myself to tell you that I was unhappy? Looking back, it seemed so quaint and sweet at the beginning. I guess it always is, though. I don't regret you, exactly- I regret living with you, certainly, but I don't regret you.

ATTENTION, INTERNETLINGS: What do you need right now? What do you want right now? Do they jive?