uncommoncold

My next-door neighbours and I used to sleep outside in the summer when we were oh, around eleven or twelve or so. We would take all of the cushions from the couches downstairs and create a makeshift bed out of them- one that would inevitably split apart before we'd wake up dew-soaked in the morning. After covering the cushions with as many blankets as we could find, we'd make popcorn and lay down on our backs to watch falling stars. The mid-August meteor shower was always pretty thrilling.

On at least one of these nights, I remember consciously trying to comprehend infinity. I thought that the word "infinity" sounded infinite in itself, but additionally, I recall thinking that beyond each 'layer' of stars, there was another. And another. And another. "The stars, and the space between them- it just goes on, and on, and on, and on.."

Each time I'd mumble that to myself, my head would expand a little until it reached the point where I simply wasn't able to grasp anything anymore. My adolescent brain would have to struggle to keep itself from imploding.

So, I'd eat some popcorn and call it a night.

i'm leaning on this broken fence between past and present tense
and i'm losing all those stupid games that i swore i'd never play
but it almost feels okay

It's raining and I'm curled up in my warm bed with my computer on my knees. Something doesn't feel quite right, but I can't place what it is. I need to eat something but I'm so terrible at eating properly these days. Plans for tonight include watching that dumb, addictive Thursday-night show that everyone either adores or pretends that they don't.

Last night was a strange combination of laughter, salad, miserable friends, being sober while almost everyone else was drunk, and coming home early because I didn't feel like spending money to get into a dive bar.

Also: fuck this "I'm going to be just fine" garbage. I am okay, and the second I start really believing that, you can damn well believe that I'm going to turn superhuman on you. Telekinesis, clairvoyancy, invincibility- the works. I ain't gonna die unless I want to.

I hope you're all doing well.