I was standing outside after stapling my paper together, trying to teach myself how to blow smoke rings (and failing miserably, I might add). My elbow was up against the wet ledge near the porch, and my feet were trying not to shiver.
It seems that I picked the perfect time to step out for a celebratory cigarette, as the clouds overhead began to clear and the stars poked out. I was staring upwards, as always, thinking that I just might be happy for real, and a shooting star fled down toward the horizon. It lasted for a good two or three seconds, I'd say. Faded a little, then sparked up again.
The best part about it was that it wasn't viewed in my peripheral vision. I was staring right at it from beginning to end. It felt as though I was in complete control of my body and mind for the first time in what seems like ages. I wasn't tightly wound, near tears, or struggling to keep my heart intact. I just, quite simply, was.
Additionally, and as I mentioned to cklarock earlier today, I spoke on the phone with my father last night. He was talking about how all winter long, he fights the rain. Since he works outside, he is always fending it off, dressing in raingear and warming his hands on the dashboard of his van. He comes home sopping and irritable during the winter.
However, when we were talking yesterday, he explained that it had rained steadily while he was on Quadra Island for the day. The difference between his relationship with this rain and the rain he usually deals with at work was that for the first time ever, he let himself exist within it rather than constantly antagonizing it. Flowing through it seamlessly.
You're going to get wet either way. May as well enjoy it. He was glad that I "got it". And I was, well, equally glad that he got it.
I felt as though we connected on a level we haven't reached before. I think that I can be his friend as well as his daughter, and the prospect of this hadn't really entered my consciousness until recently.
and all i wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late, and watch cartoons
It seems that I picked the perfect time to step out for a celebratory cigarette, as the clouds overhead began to clear and the stars poked out. I was staring upwards, as always, thinking that I just might be happy for real, and a shooting star fled down toward the horizon. It lasted for a good two or three seconds, I'd say. Faded a little, then sparked up again.
The best part about it was that it wasn't viewed in my peripheral vision. I was staring right at it from beginning to end. It felt as though I was in complete control of my body and mind for the first time in what seems like ages. I wasn't tightly wound, near tears, or struggling to keep my heart intact. I just, quite simply, was.
Additionally, and as I mentioned to cklarock earlier today, I spoke on the phone with my father last night. He was talking about how all winter long, he fights the rain. Since he works outside, he is always fending it off, dressing in raingear and warming his hands on the dashboard of his van. He comes home sopping and irritable during the winter.
However, when we were talking yesterday, he explained that it had rained steadily while he was on Quadra Island for the day. The difference between his relationship with this rain and the rain he usually deals with at work was that for the first time ever, he let himself exist within it rather than constantly antagonizing it. Flowing through it seamlessly.
You're going to get wet either way. May as well enjoy it. He was glad that I "got it". And I was, well, equally glad that he got it.
I felt as though we connected on a level we haven't reached before. I think that I can be his friend as well as his daughter, and the prospect of this hadn't really entered my consciousness until recently.
and all i wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late, and watch cartoons
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
Hope the park was fun.