unbornbloom

My head feels like mud under a 14 hour funeral procession.
I listen to Lover I Dont have to Love.
It puts languid energy in me.
The kind that makes you want to move like a sullen angry.
Spread yourself around.
Milk into a glass of water.

Stringing unelaborated thoughts together:
(Concerning my relative position between two extremely important individuals... And other issues of importance.)

I feel like im being a bastard for putting my girlfriend through any of this.
It worrys me. Its too early for this kind of bull shit...
I feel like Im underminding foundations and I just want to let go of the roots in my hand- my touch destroys, but If I let go, I am nothing to anyone.
I can't ignore it...and hope it fixes itself...
It needs to be burned before it can be mended, this problem.

Meanwhile...Ive been striving toward other versions of adjusting my mode.
expressively. There are things, that im not use to putting forth. and its not easy opening myself up completely. But Im making points. I am your book. I will keep nothing from you...

Its difficult...forcing myself into such mode. laboring for it is like moving toward the surface when you dont know how to swim. i want you like air. but wont feel good with earning an easy breath untill i work my way there. and the situation under question is just a weight put around the neck...
Still. I'll get there.

Im tired and bruised but not down yet.
Soon to lack wondering uncertainty.
Still kicking.