When I grow up
I created my very first drawing at the age of four. Completely fascinated with the concept of The Devil I took it upon myself to put a face to the joker my loving mother preached about day in and day out at the drop of a hat. Im not kidding. Anything that fell outside the line of being a proper child in my home was held excruciatingly suspect of being in league with the DEVIL!!!
The Devil this! The Devil that! I couldnt drop a lollipop on the floor and pick it up again in front of my mother without the Devil being involved in some way. Who the hell was this devil and why the heck did he make it a point to go out of his way to get my little butt into mischief day in and day out and always in front of God and everybody including (you guessed it!) my mother to see? Needless to say I was beside myself with bewilderment considering the fact that this Devil was in fact believed to be some monstrously (yet conveniently unseen) malevolent harbinger of monkeyshines and evil to the tenth power! All that sinister influence over dominions of darkness and despair to oversee - and still this devil had the audacity - not to mention the bad manners to get into my four year old business. What the fuck!
One day out of frustration fueled with a bit of curiosity and creativity I sat down with a black permanent ink chief marker pen and an old brown paper bag and drew the figure of what I was led to believe was the Devil himself! Note to religious fanatics: Had I been born several centuries back I would have most likely been put to death by the church for such a blasphemous act of sacrilege but being as I lived safely in a modern day country free of such outmoded and frankly whacked religious persecutions I drew my ass off! With knotted brow in serious concentration and tongue sticking out the side of my mouth I sketched away. What can I say? I was determined.
Satisfied with my handiwork I asked my mother if the picture I had drawn was in fact what the Devil looked like. With a few suggestions on her part I added a three-pronged pitchfork, a barbed tail and some flickering flames in the background for effect and just like that I had drawn the Devil! Funny he looked an awful lot like the red devil fireworks logo but whatever
Mother was so proud she hung that old paper bag drawing on our refrigerator door with the help of some magnets cleverly concealed inside fruit shaped plastic bits and there it hung for all to enjoy and fear.
One of my mothers all time favorite fear of the devil tactics in keeping her three sons in line back when my brothers and I were just wee lads was to threaten us with the fright of a late night visitation by the dark one himself in which during such an occurrence he would appear at the foot of our beds, grab us by our feet and spin us around the room with menacing glee! Who tells that kind of shit to their kids these days???
Not long after Mom concocted that story I had one of my very first nightmares. In it the Devil who looked exactly like the drawing I had created on that brown paper bag - paid me a visit and spun me around the room just as mom described. If I didnt wet my bed that night then I sure as hell shit a pickle in it.
The next day I found myself staring at that very same paper drawing and with a firm resolve I took it down, tore it up and threw it in the garbage along with any and all belief of my mothers devil from that day forward.
When I created that devil in a drawing I had given him a face. In destroying that paper bag and throwing it away I empowered myself with a belief I still hold true to this day. Like he who has the gold and makes the rules I would forevermore create and enjoy all things I scribbled or painted. My art would be my window to the world. My very first drawing and its effect on me gave me my first taste of how important it is to believe in myself and how I would chose to be one with the universe on my own terms.
I would become an artist!
In closing: When I die and go to heaven if there really is one If I stand in judgment for my actions as a human being here on earth then let it be known I choose to be judged for simply being me if given the choice that is! I like to think Im a nice guy who keeps his nose clean so should some celestial force truly control the universe then bring it on. My fate is sealed.
And that is how I came to know what I wanted to be when I grew up.
TW-