twistedkittenfur

I'm having a really hard time with anxiety recently. I don't know what to do about it. What I think triggered it was some hash oil that i smoked at a party. I got really paranoid and basically locked myself in the bathroom for like 20 mins. Also one of my perceived best friends is leaving for Alaska for 3 months and that party was the last time I think i'm going to get to see him before he leaves, and I've called him and text him he just doesn't really reply anymore. Honestly I know I am probably overreacting because he's busy getting ready for his trip and it's nothing personal. I mean I haven't blown up his phone or anything maybe like one text a day for a week. But is that annoying if he isn't replying do I just need to get the hint. We had plans thursday but he canceled and he told me it was it was because he had to get ready to leave and he wasn't as far along in his process as he had thought when he originally planned. I also wonder if it's because I freaked him out by telling him extensively that I was going to miss him at the aforementioned party. Idk I just know I am going to miss him he is one of 3 friends that I have that I love and trust very much. I just worry that maybe i freaked him out or upset him. we've only really known each other for a year and we used to work together, that is how we met. I hate that I get attached to people to easily, and it's probably my own lack of self esteem that makes me doubt their friendship with me.

also I started this new job at a grocery store, and I find that they are working me way more than i thought they would, and that is where most of my anxiety is manifesting it's self. I feel terrified before work everyday that I have to work there. To the point where I can't do much else with my day until work is over. which sucks because I'm working like 5-11 pm. which means really all i do is work and then lay around all day. honestly it's probably making it worse. I know logically that if I were to get up and do something before work then I would feel better but then I'm scared I'll be to tired for work and I wanna bring my A game to my new job. I don't know what to do. I just want to feel calm again.