twistedkittenfur

I'm throwing a halloween party next week, well I suppose it's more of just a come as you like costume party. I'm gonna by air soft guns and paint them to look like real guns and dress up like a fallen zombie hunter. My parents are going out of town and i've taken the week off work. I've been feeling really depressed lately and sorta missed my ex type of way. Even though I know better than to try to contact him after two years, I sorta want to. I am refusing. Still I've been full of sad and lonely bullshit.


Anyway I spent so much money at Halloween city, it was ridiculous. Plus i went with a friend that wasn't going to buy anything and apparently got her really into the spirt and she spent a lot of money as well......
I feel like I am a good influence.
My friend that I refuse to have a crush on, because I'm crazy, hasn't hung out with me in 2 weeks, well hasn't hung out with me one on one in two weeks. we've talked on the phone and attempted to hang out but it's not worked out for whatever reason. I don't think anything is up with it, but it makes me kinda sad. and it's always the other party sorta ditching me. So i feel like I may have been beginning to annoy said friend. So i've decided to not contact said person until they contact me. I just have the gut feeling that it's for the best. still I miss my friend and the confusing feelings that i have toward said person make me want to run screaming into the night. I feel like a 5th grader with their first crush. and it's on you friend and you desperately don't want them to find out and stop being your friend. I refuse to accept the any feeling more then friendship because I really do thing it would break whatever is left of my happiness if said person stopped hanging out with me.
But i feel like it's already happening, I feel like I've started to annoy.
so I want to crawl in a hole and never crawl out.


oh I lost my glasses in a hole. and I had to fish them out with a stick and a bent up wire close hanger.
i felt like Mcgiver ( or how ever you spell that name)



I am so ready to feel sane. or at least stable.
I was so content with feeling stable and I can't quite grasp that this last week. hopefully my vacation from people with help. i really hope it does. hopefully i'm just getting sick. and i'll recover soon.