twistedblack

been thinking alot lately. I was talking to a friend last night and she said some things. Some made since and some did not. She could be right and my attitude is just a front in which to protect myself from others. This is a posibility but yet i feel it is not entirely true. I can agree that some times i might have done things for that reason. But a man that denies who he is because he does not like it will never be happy and forever live a life of solitude and missery. I feel that it might be a part of me but i just need to find a place for it. But with each dark side it seems i have, it seems i also have a light side. For they two extremes usually. I feel that deep down i could easly kill a man and yet i also know that deep down i would die to protect one. Inside i know i do not like violence but yet i also enjoy it. I do not really understand myself or maybe it is that one of these is a fake manistation of myself that i have created in order to conceal the true me. Or perhaps both are fake manistations of myself and each only part true where as the only way to find myself would be to take of each manistation and put them together to form what is really me. For at times it seems like i talk of each part from a third point perspective. In that note i could say that sugests that i am hidding who and what i truly am behind these two manistations not only to throw others off but maybe to throw myself off. It could be that deep down i do not want to see what i truly am and hince forth i created two extremes of what i am to hide behind. This is a thing that i wish to reveal to myself but yet i must say i fear to learn who i really am. For i fear that not only would others reject what is truly me but yet i would reject who i truly am and be afraid of it.



I'm sorry if this makes no since and in reality i don't expect you to comment. This entry was not re-read for if it was i'm sure i would delete it.