twigmyer

I'm a coward . . . . I can never force myself to grab and take what I want . . . Even though I know it's the best thing for me and more often than not the thing that I've waited for forever. But alas I always seem to be a day late and a dollar short, or tied down to something that I can't seem to figure out how to let go of. It's always been this way and I think that through 25 years of missing that brass ring has caused me to settle for what is current and and past than what could be in the future.

I don't like not knowing what comes next . . . I absolutley must have everything planned out and any deviation causes me to pull away and become introverted. I wish I had the confidence to go out and take what I want consequences be damned, I admire those people. . . . But I can't, that's not me, never has been never will be. I think about the consequences first, which by that point usually deters me away, but if some how I can make it past that point then it's just the matter of me working myself up to get the courage to even think about it. I don't think I've made it past that point.

It sucks being a chicken shit.