Hey, I feel tired a lot now for a few reasons mainly that I'm working hard but also that i have rediscovered being awake after midnight.
The reason I have discovered times after midnight is mainly that I am properly off my meds now. Its strange, I find I can sleep but I have to make an effort to, I can't really eat very much, my medication was an appetite stimulant and now that im not on it I've lost about 2 stone. Its really odd, I miss that feeling of food just tasting sooo good and wanting more and more and feeling happy and full everytime I ate. I still love to eat but it just isn't the same and I do worry about the way I look, I don't want my boobies to go away!
I've settled into my job very well, it was one of the main reasons I came off my meds when I did, when you work with millions of pounds worth of heavy machinery its preferable not to be drowsy of a morning. I feel very strange about myself, I was definitely me while I was on my meds but I was different, really different less sharp I suppose. It seemed like the only acceptable solution at the time and I think that if I reached that level of sadness again I would use them again but I feel sad too that a little bit of me wasnt there for the last couple of years (of course, it being related to the bit of me that likes to hit itself in the head with a hammer maybe its ok).
I keep myself mentally healthy by steering away from anything that could upset me which does sort of include taking pictures and drinking to excess, both of which I like and Im sure at least one of which I will in the fullness of time return to.
I'm getting a second job this christmas to try to save up because I want to travel next year which is very exciting
Ian also got a job after about 8 months of looking this feels somewhere between relief and near religious thankfulness. (speaking of, why is the pope in my city closing the roads and generally being a nuisance?) Im a bit upset that I'll have to leave him to fuck off travelling but screw it, if we're meant for a long life together...(I'll have submitted to that lobotomy) then it'll happen but it won't happen if I feel miserable and trapped.
So, here is a picture of me and my man, I thought I'd better post him at some stage, the pic is a little creepy due to red eye but the de-red-eyes-thingy makes it look creepyer. It is his fault I understand GTA, RPGs and acronyms.
The reason I have discovered times after midnight is mainly that I am properly off my meds now. Its strange, I find I can sleep but I have to make an effort to, I can't really eat very much, my medication was an appetite stimulant and now that im not on it I've lost about 2 stone. Its really odd, I miss that feeling of food just tasting sooo good and wanting more and more and feeling happy and full everytime I ate. I still love to eat but it just isn't the same and I do worry about the way I look, I don't want my boobies to go away!
I've settled into my job very well, it was one of the main reasons I came off my meds when I did, when you work with millions of pounds worth of heavy machinery its preferable not to be drowsy of a morning. I feel very strange about myself, I was definitely me while I was on my meds but I was different, really different less sharp I suppose. It seemed like the only acceptable solution at the time and I think that if I reached that level of sadness again I would use them again but I feel sad too that a little bit of me wasnt there for the last couple of years (of course, it being related to the bit of me that likes to hit itself in the head with a hammer maybe its ok).
I keep myself mentally healthy by steering away from anything that could upset me which does sort of include taking pictures and drinking to excess, both of which I like and Im sure at least one of which I will in the fullness of time return to.
I'm getting a second job this christmas to try to save up because I want to travel next year which is very exciting
Ian also got a job after about 8 months of looking this feels somewhere between relief and near religious thankfulness. (speaking of, why is the pope in my city closing the roads and generally being a nuisance?) Im a bit upset that I'll have to leave him to fuck off travelling but screw it, if we're meant for a long life together...(I'll have submitted to that lobotomy) then it'll happen but it won't happen if I feel miserable and trapped. So, here is a picture of me and my man, I thought I'd better post him at some stage, the pic is a little creepy due to red eye but the de-red-eyes-thingy makes it look creepyer. It is his fault I understand GTA, RPGs and acronyms.