Today is the first long lazy day i've had in seemingly forever, you know why? Cos of this:
This is the projector. I pretty much live in that little room atm. I have started actually dreaming about the projector.
I am loving it but its incredibly stressful; pretty much everything is very expensive, pretty much everything is very breakable. Eg. a film print costs about 30 grand. How would i break it? by making one teeny mistake. That's how. Now, so far so unbreaky but it stresses me out, the training is really intense, it has to be because pretty soon they're going to leave me alone in charge of that room and the room next door which is full of big machines which regulate cooling and the amps going through the bulbs and stuff. The intenseness of the training is getting to me a little, its not really the people training me that's the issue its my exasperation with myself. I'll do something perfectly for a week then come in and fuck it up one day, argh! The background to these days is just me muttering abuse at myself. Frankly being so fucking clueless all the time sends me stupidly close to my 'you know what?! Im just going to self harm now. To teach my stupidass head not to be such a stupid asshead!' I just get very cross with myself. I know nobody expects perfection right away but part of me kinda does. Luckily my boy has a firm metaphorical grip on my wrist lest i stop teetering close to absolutely fucking batshit insane and fly right over the edge. But yeah. Despite the slight crazymaking I love the job, its so satisfying when its going right and there seems to be virtually unlimited stuff to learn. There is also a bit more cash so assuming I pass my probation month (which is nearly up and there's no great reason why i shouldn't) I should be out of the house soon. I am flat hunting as we speak although atm I'm not in a huge rush, I need to save a wee bit first as there are always unforeseen costs to these things.
Anyway, my dad has cooked some kind of joint of beef in Barolo for easter tea, nomnomnom, so I shall head off. Ooh, if any of the Glasgow folks are coming to the Imax and fancy a wee look at the projector message me ahead and I'll give you a tour.
xx
This is the projector. I pretty much live in that little room atm. I have started actually dreaming about the projector.
I am loving it but its incredibly stressful; pretty much everything is very expensive, pretty much everything is very breakable. Eg. a film print costs about 30 grand. How would i break it? by making one teeny mistake. That's how. Now, so far so unbreaky but it stresses me out, the training is really intense, it has to be because pretty soon they're going to leave me alone in charge of that room and the room next door which is full of big machines which regulate cooling and the amps going through the bulbs and stuff. The intenseness of the training is getting to me a little, its not really the people training me that's the issue its my exasperation with myself. I'll do something perfectly for a week then come in and fuck it up one day, argh! The background to these days is just me muttering abuse at myself. Frankly being so fucking clueless all the time sends me stupidly close to my 'you know what?! Im just going to self harm now. To teach my stupidass head not to be such a stupid asshead!' I just get very cross with myself. I know nobody expects perfection right away but part of me kinda does. Luckily my boy has a firm metaphorical grip on my wrist lest i stop teetering close to absolutely fucking batshit insane and fly right over the edge. But yeah. Despite the slight crazymaking I love the job, its so satisfying when its going right and there seems to be virtually unlimited stuff to learn. There is also a bit more cash so assuming I pass my probation month (which is nearly up and there's no great reason why i shouldn't) I should be out of the house soon. I am flat hunting as we speak although atm I'm not in a huge rush, I need to save a wee bit first as there are always unforeseen costs to these things.
Anyway, my dad has cooked some kind of joint of beef in Barolo for easter tea, nomnomnom, so I shall head off. Ooh, if any of the Glasgow folks are coming to the Imax and fancy a wee look at the projector message me ahead and I'll give you a tour.
xx
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i love your pic profile