Im excited about life right now and I don't really know why. I guess I was in some shock after I graduated and haven't done much with my camera since except snapshots and now I just suddenly feel inspired to make stuff again. Its great. I think I may have another bash at an SG set (although don't quote me on that because Im notoriously floopy about these things) also Im learning to drive so that I can do commercial jobs more easily and assist more easily too. My job at the science centre is so much fun but I need to start pushing myself to do new things too (luckily my hours are really flexible right now).
My break-up with Greig has become hard for me to deal with. This, good people, is why I usually just stop calling! Sure, its a mean thing to do which shows no respect for your fellow human being, however, you never have to hear a man scrabble around all desperate and strange and scary while you have the fucking conversation. You don't have to sit and be called 'damaged goods' (yes, really! I didn't think anyone outside of soap operas used the term, and if you can use it around me, seemingly totally seriously, you have fundamentally missed the point of me! ARGH!) you don't have to sit around and have it inferred that you'll never fuck again and that you'll die alone (not the worst thing that could happen in my opinion). And then you don't have to sit and hear the same man say that if thats what it takes he doesn't mind if you go and sleep around. HOLY FUCKING JESUS! How can he know me and propose that (again, seemingly fucking serious). Hes supposedly been fucking me for months, talking to me, knowing me, how can he possibly think that thats what this about or how I work?! And then he said that we should just start again. You want me to what? pretend we didn't just have this fucking strange little relationship and go back to sitting opposite you in a fucking generic west end bar wondering how a sci-fi reference would go down at this point? Again with the ARGH!!
What makes it harder is that I, of course, have met someone else already. Thats right, I sat through that whole 'you're gonna be really lonely speech' and watched him yell about how he needs sex with me (scary, by the way) without yelling 'I am fucking well shagging someone new, he makes my toes curl up involuntarily and hes built like he could throw me through the bedroom wall as foreplay. So FUCK YOU!' and, we know that self control I do not have, so not saying this was hard. I did very well the whole conversation but theres all this angry on me now and I don't feel I can talk to mr new about it because it isnt really fair and I so clearly need to just go out and get all tore up in a mosh pit or something and. did I Argh already.? yeah. just a bit.
Ok. well, i dont usually use my blog on here like this but fuck, I did need a good yell.
Here is a completely unrelated pic of a dinosaur. W-to-the-00t
My break-up with Greig has become hard for me to deal with. This, good people, is why I usually just stop calling! Sure, its a mean thing to do which shows no respect for your fellow human being, however, you never have to hear a man scrabble around all desperate and strange and scary while you have the fucking conversation. You don't have to sit and be called 'damaged goods' (yes, really! I didn't think anyone outside of soap operas used the term, and if you can use it around me, seemingly totally seriously, you have fundamentally missed the point of me! ARGH!) you don't have to sit around and have it inferred that you'll never fuck again and that you'll die alone (not the worst thing that could happen in my opinion). And then you don't have to sit and hear the same man say that if thats what it takes he doesn't mind if you go and sleep around. HOLY FUCKING JESUS! How can he know me and propose that (again, seemingly fucking serious). Hes supposedly been fucking me for months, talking to me, knowing me, how can he possibly think that thats what this about or how I work?! And then he said that we should just start again. You want me to what? pretend we didn't just have this fucking strange little relationship and go back to sitting opposite you in a fucking generic west end bar wondering how a sci-fi reference would go down at this point? Again with the ARGH!!
What makes it harder is that I, of course, have met someone else already. Thats right, I sat through that whole 'you're gonna be really lonely speech' and watched him yell about how he needs sex with me (scary, by the way) without yelling 'I am fucking well shagging someone new, he makes my toes curl up involuntarily and hes built like he could throw me through the bedroom wall as foreplay. So FUCK YOU!' and, we know that self control I do not have, so not saying this was hard. I did very well the whole conversation but theres all this angry on me now and I don't feel I can talk to mr new about it because it isnt really fair and I so clearly need to just go out and get all tore up in a mosh pit or something and. did I Argh already.? yeah. just a bit.
Ok. well, i dont usually use my blog on here like this but fuck, I did need a good yell.
Here is a completely unrelated pic of a dinosaur. W-to-the-00t