twiggy

hey guys, well, doom and gloom central here. Like a lot of you (and, I guess a lot of people in general) the depression has hit my job, in that its sort of gone. Im trying to be grown up about it as there isnt very much I can do except look for another one but Im gutted to be honest. I know it was only a part time job but it was my independence, it was responsible for building up a lot of my confidence and I didnt really realise but my work mates have become real friends. I have this super empty feeling inside, I know that my degree is more important and everything but work has really been a lot to me. Those of you I've already told about this have been so awesome and pure looked after me. I know im a bit hard to be around now, dont worry normal service will be resumed shortly. I have to go to work today and I really really dont want to but I can't phone in sick because then there'll only be two people in and it isnt enough. Its really hard to give good service when you know that you dont have a job. Yesterday we were doing fragrance launch workshops and serving champagne, obviously the shop has to go on as normal but its very hard to offer lovely services and talk about how great everything is when you know you dont have a job and that there are likely not buckets of champagne in your near future. Luckily I already have two weekends off booked so after this I'll only have to work maybe one more weekend which helps, I dont think that I could take three more weekends of feeling this way (we're officially in a 'consultation period' which is sort of supposed to give you time to ask any questions and such like but in practice I feel is probably going to be uncomfortable and upsetting for everyone,) In some ways Im really really pissed off our store has made our targets! I have made my targets! but theres no point in going in and being a bitch, that'll just make it harder and theres no one at work to vent at really, my direct managers are gutted too and my area manager didnt have any say in this and I think shes upset too, its bad enough for her to have to go into stores and tell people that their jobs are gone and me yelling at her isn't going to make anyone feel good. My family have been great but asking my mum for money to pay the fucking electricity just feels plain old shitty. My baby sister took me out for lunch and is looking after me and my middle sister will be back from canada at the start of may which will make me feel much better. Im going down to london next weekend which will take my mind off it too. But yeah, I feel like I've been broken up with its that same cold heavy sort of feeling, in some ways its worse, I use work as a coping mechanism when other things go tits up, you know, I always knew I could go to work and everything would be simple, solveable and pleasant and I could just feel in control, relaxed and that I'd accomplished something with my day. Anyway, I've gone on much longer than I meant to, im sorry im not super happy fun sarah right now, super happy fun will come back im sure Oh, if anyone needs some Jo Malone (I dont know why you would but you know) do tell me soon and I'll get it for you, Im sure I'll still get discount for a bit after I leave but yeah. I want to lie in bed for a week and cry but that wouldnt be productive.
anyway, fuck, i dont know how im meant to end this sodding blog, I guess to everyone who is losing their jobs or being affected by this im so sorry and massive cuddles to all of you. or something.