Im so cranky at the moment, im not sure but I think this may be because I keep sucking at scrabble. It could be because im stressed to fuck about the end of this fucking degree. I cant fucking work at the moment, I mean, obviously I can take pictures but my work has been very much informed by my own insecurities and feelings about my body for the last, three years, and now well, the way I feel, the way I am is totally different. Im really glad to look and feel better, dont get me wrong but I used to have this reserve of adolescent despair which I could dip into to inspire elements of my work. It was also quite easy to make work representing these feelings because I was skinny and a bit grey a lot of the time so it was easy to represent the unhealthy. now, less so. And, I find that because I really dont feel that way anymore I don't really want to represent it anymore so now im looking more at the way that we as women change our bodies from a slightly more positive tack, but I sort of find the positivity hard to sincerely represent, and anyway, its not all positivity. ARGH! end of course angst! 
Im also back in sunny milngavie at the moment (mainly to save a bit of money for tickets to london and materials for my final pieces) but I forgot how stressy home can be, Elspeth (my wee sis, confidant and partner in crime) is thinking of changing her course (she thought architecture would have more math, and is looking at either engineering or a total change to law) so we're discussing it, but she hasnt spoken to dad about it yet which is very odd for our family because we're sort of more prone to the overshare but she doesnt want to talk to him when hes not well and he'll be on new drugs this weekend and will have a good patch and then she'll talk to him then but at the moment we have to talk quietly and make sure that he isnt in the next room etc. and its just so not us. Im just stressed the fuck out. I have no fucking money, no fucking ideas and I dont have a job lined up for the summer yet either I guess everything is just building up in my head. I just want to drink red wine in the bath all afternoon or something similarly indulgent and pointless.
ooh, I do feel better for a good rant.
Anyways, im sure I will have something much funner to say later.
xx
Im also back in sunny milngavie at the moment (mainly to save a bit of money for tickets to london and materials for my final pieces) but I forgot how stressy home can be, Elspeth (my wee sis, confidant and partner in crime) is thinking of changing her course (she thought architecture would have more math, and is looking at either engineering or a total change to law) so we're discussing it, but she hasnt spoken to dad about it yet which is very odd for our family because we're sort of more prone to the overshare but she doesnt want to talk to him when hes not well and he'll be on new drugs this weekend and will have a good patch and then she'll talk to him then but at the moment we have to talk quietly and make sure that he isnt in the next room etc. and its just so not us. Im just stressed the fuck out. I have no fucking money, no fucking ideas and I dont have a job lined up for the summer yet either I guess everything is just building up in my head. I just want to drink red wine in the bath all afternoon or something similarly indulgent and pointless.
ooh, I do feel better for a good rant.
Anyways, im sure I will have something much funner to say later. xx
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
rose_red:
The thing I hate about Scabble is that I brag to my friends how badass I am at it... only to receive only vowels in the next grab. le sigh.
aesirr:
Well good luck with that my dear. I couldnt do the wine in the bath though, me and baths dont get on, ours is too small for me.