twentythree

I doubt, that even in the furthest reaches of his deranged imagination, Hitler ever thought he would end up as the butt of so many jokes.
I don't know about you, but at least a fourth of my jokes have Hitler in them somewhere.
It has to be his mustache.
It just lends itself to comedy.


Why is it that all these Suicidegirls have all these pseudo-clever names?
They're always stealing names from films or novels that they think no one has ever seen or read but them.
Why don't even a few of them have funny names?
Like "Shit Breath" or "Crack Baby Jones?"
I'm just wondering.
Because I have a sense of humor.


I don't think you can be proud of something that you had absolutely nothing to do with.
Like, I don't believe that anyone alive can really be proud to be an American.
You can be glad that you're an American, but you can't be proud of it.
I mean, you didn't have anything to do with it.
It's not as if you were in the womb with a phone and you called your mom up on the outside and said "Hey, uh, Ma, make sure we're in the U.S. when you give birth to me, okay?"
It's like being proud that you have brown hair or green eyes.
You didn't have anything to do with that.
You can't be proud of it.
If you were George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, John Adams, Samuel Adams, James Madison or any of the other founding fathers, then you could be proud to be an American.
But you're not.
So don't be.