twelvis

last night i went over mike's and we played othello and i totally kicked his girlfriend's ass. by that time though i was on my second 40 of the evening and it wasn't so fun. then this cunt and her J.A.P. friends came over and I can't stand them...but somehow they always end up being friends with new people that i meet...and we kind of pretended each other wasn't in the room...then we went to a diner and the eight of us, it wwas clearly divided between those of us who hated the jap girls and the jap girls themselves. i acted as spokesperson for my side. "for fuck's sake, can we leave now?" i said. the four girls and guys on my team laughed so hard cos i was a sheer rude mofo. yesterday i felt like being a bastard to everyone, and i think i had a right to be. but today i'm gonna be a nice person.

if i can dwell let me just say i can't believe how fucked i've become within the last year. a year ago i was living in a giant loft in brooklyn, dating a model, seeing the best shows ever, drinking like a fish and i was like more healthy. now i'm broke and living with my parents and possibly facing criminal charges (for something i'd rather not go into here). it's due to a lot of things--9/11 totally wrecked me, the recession, the crime, prescription drugs, my dad and gran getting sick...but in the end it's mostly because of my doings. i dug myself into this rut and can get myself back into the groove. i'm sure i can. i can crawl through miles of shit and come out gleaming on the other side.