May 15th.
O.K. Here's the deal. I can be honest here, in the internet world. I mean, it's not really REAL life;really. Right?? So, I have a confession. A deep dark confession..... I am pathetic. Truely pathetic. I realize this and that's o.k. I am not suffering from low self esteem, rather taking a personal analyisis. I leave for Texas on Tues. to go to this permanant cosmetics class. I am going by myself. I am scared to death to travel by myself, yet I feel that it is something I must do. I am a home body. Maybe not necessarily because I choose to be, maybe more that I am afraid. At this point, I have no concern about my own personal saftey. I worry about what might happen to my children if I never get to see them again. I am consumed with guilt at the fact that I will be away from them for so long,(4days total)I am afraid that I will leave the airport never to see there sweet, beautiful faces again. I am excited to be doing something by myself for the first time ever, but I am also filled with self loathing of the prospect of leaving my children and possibly putting myself in danger by traveling alone. I feel like such a worthless, money grubbing, fool. The point of taking these classes is to add another skill, or specialty,{if you will} to my repitiore. To make more money. I have spent much of my life rebelling against the idea of materialism. Rebelling against conformity. I try so hard to fight the "Corporate Monster". I revel in my statis of "poor white trash". It's comfortable, it's what I know. Just like home. But, my children are getting older, more aware of money, more aware of the world around them and they are uncomfortable with where they are at, where I chose for them to be. Who am I to condemn them to my "white trash statis? I don't have the right. The only solution I see, is to earn more money. So, I must face my fears for my children. I keep a smile on my face when they whine...."Mom, Do you HAVE to go?", for my children. Even though I am almost paralized with fear, I assure them that it's going to be fine. I wonder... Is it worth it?? Am I really doing this for them? Have I compromised my beliefs and values? Is this about money, or my children, or both??? I will bake a big batch of my "funny face" cupcakes befor I leave, so they can have one for every day that I am gone. Hopefully, this will sweeten up the bitter hole I've left in thier hearts by leaving them for so long.(
O.K. Here's the deal. I can be honest here, in the internet world. I mean, it's not really REAL life;really. Right?? So, I have a confession. A deep dark confession..... I am pathetic. Truely pathetic. I realize this and that's o.k. I am not suffering from low self esteem, rather taking a personal analyisis. I leave for Texas on Tues. to go to this permanant cosmetics class. I am going by myself. I am scared to death to travel by myself, yet I feel that it is something I must do. I am a home body. Maybe not necessarily because I choose to be, maybe more that I am afraid. At this point, I have no concern about my own personal saftey. I worry about what might happen to my children if I never get to see them again. I am consumed with guilt at the fact that I will be away from them for so long,(4days total)I am afraid that I will leave the airport never to see there sweet, beautiful faces again. I am excited to be doing something by myself for the first time ever, but I am also filled with self loathing of the prospect of leaving my children and possibly putting myself in danger by traveling alone. I feel like such a worthless, money grubbing, fool. The point of taking these classes is to add another skill, or specialty,{if you will} to my repitiore. To make more money. I have spent much of my life rebelling against the idea of materialism. Rebelling against conformity. I try so hard to fight the "Corporate Monster". I revel in my statis of "poor white trash". It's comfortable, it's what I know. Just like home. But, my children are getting older, more aware of money, more aware of the world around them and they are uncomfortable with where they are at, where I chose for them to be. Who am I to condemn them to my "white trash statis? I don't have the right. The only solution I see, is to earn more money. So, I must face my fears for my children. I keep a smile on my face when they whine...."Mom, Do you HAVE to go?", for my children. Even though I am almost paralized with fear, I assure them that it's going to be fine. I wonder... Is it worth it?? Am I really doing this for them? Have I compromised my beliefs and values? Is this about money, or my children, or both??? I will bake a big batch of my "funny face" cupcakes befor I leave, so they can have one for every day that I am gone. Hopefully, this will sweeten up the bitter hole I've left in thier hearts by leaving them for so long.(
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
cherrylove13:
See, everyone survived!!!!! 
saturn1:
yea ditto heggie rules