tush_____

O.k. I've never posted a journal. Don't know if I even have the time to, but maybe I should give it a try. A good friend of mine suggested I put one up, so Here it is..... I may not have anything to say that would interest most people. My life evolves around my children, so that's probably mostly what I would write about.. I came upon an interesting realization this "Easter" weekend. I am an addict. I am a true addict. I am planning a trip to Tennessee with the huby and kids, to see family. I planned on taking Friday off to clean the house, Sat. I would work. Sun and Mon. I would finish preparations for the trip. I tattooed Friday, Saturday and, get this Easter Sunday. I tattooed today even. I am not prepared for my trip and am so pissed at myself. I thought I would take a break for a moment and bitch about it. My kids were with my X all Easter weekend for the first time ever. Usually, we trade off on Easter Day. But, I worked and worked and worked. Telling my frustrated husband that it was so we would have money for our trip, but secretly knowing that I need to tattoo. I did it again today.... I planned on 1 appointment at 1:30 today. I left the shop at 9:30 three tattoos later. My hand is sore, my neck, my back, but I love it. I feel like I ran a marathon. I'm riddled with guilt that I spent no time with my kids this weekend, but more upsetting is, that they didn't seem to miss me, or care. They know they will have my full atention all week and they are secure with that. I wish I was. I am finding it easier to concentrate on my career now that three of them are so much older and don't really need me any more. But, I would gladly give everything up, if I knew that they need me like they once did. No one asks me to kiss boo- boos anymore. No more arguments over Barney. They argue over who has accumulated the most pubic hair.(gross) NO more special prayers at night, no more bed time stories. They dress themselves and button thier own shirts. They're becoming little men. I wonder if I am trading one addiction for another. MOst of you gals are all so young, I couldn't possibly expect any one to relate. Like I said, a good friend told me to put up a journal, so there.