tuffyluffaguss

So far in this series of unfortunate events I have accepted what has come my way. Crappy job. STD scares. Car accidents and the imminent death of myself and someone I care about. I have gritted my teeth and worked through this all. I continued to hold my head up high and remind myself that this too shall pass. That it will get better and that I will come out on top. But today, after getting yelled at by my Dad (B/c I'm staying at my parents house b/c/ I dont have my car and it's easier to work this way.) After not going to Dickens faire like I've been planning for months, after having my best friend be mad at me for no reason and after looking in the mirror and realizing that I have a coldsore, I snapped. I dont want to do this. I'm very tired. I want to run away. I want sandy beaches and hot cabana boys. I dont want to deal with broken cars, crappy jobs, angry bosses and parents, I dont want to have 3 points on my licsence for stupid ass reasons. I want to be healthy and have a job I like and have a little money in the bank. So, after all this God or whoever goes and takes the one thing that has given me a little hope in the past few depressing days. Pony. The Pirate. And I know that I dont love him, and i know that he's bad for me and I know that with time I'll only grow more attached, but fuck!! You know what I kept thinkning all weekend? Was how good it was gonna be when I saw him on Mon. How good he would taste when I kissed him. How nice it was going to be when I fell asleep in his arms. Now I cant even do that!!!!! I cant kiss him now for 2 weeks at least. Agony. He was really the only poisitive thing I could think of. How sad is that? I'm not depressed I'm just low. But if things continue this way I will be depressed. None of this makes sense I'm sure. I'm just sitting at my computer rambling but at least it's out now. Fuck.