tryptamine_____

iam sick of my bestfriends, i live with them... i just yearn to get away from them at times... but i do long for a different kind of companionship, which iam beginning to think will never happen.. Iam going to become one of those, hermits who shuns the outside world and just watches old episodes of the dukes of hazard and Starsky and Hutch... eatting squirrel while widdling on my porch and playing my banjo... Well that doesnt sound too bad, mayb i should invest in some mountain land... hmmm..

You forgot to mention cute.

OK, so I don't really know if you were cute today, but I'm developing a crush on your pic. Ooh, I'm so creepy

eek, rods the entire length of your spine? That sucks... Well I suppose it's better than just letting nature take it's course but still... I think I'd go nuts. I'm a habitual slumper. I must slump. On the other hand, I've learned that you can get used to just about anything when you have no choice in the matter.

I've got nerve damage but you got the full length rod treatment. I'd say we're about even at this point.

Both of my roomates in the hospital had hallos (the thing that bolts into your head and holds your neck still). They also had complete seperation of their spinal cords so they're not ever going to walk again... unless stem cell research leads to a way to fix that sort of thing. Those guys got a real raw deal.

Ah yes, the goofy ass plastic shell. I wore that thing for three long months. What a pain. It rubbed raw spots on my boney hips (I lost around 35 pounds in the hospital and I was on the skinny side before I went in). It took me like two hours to get up and take a frickin' shower with that damn thing.

There was one funny moment that came out of wearing that thing though. I was living a couple blocks away from Valencia Gardens (ghetto housing project in SF) at the time. One day while waiting at a bus stop two hommies pulled up in a beat up hatch back and said something to me. I couldn't hear what he said at first so I said, "huh?". The passenger leaned out the window and said, "The vest man, how much for the vest? Can you hook me up?"

I had no idea what he was talking about so I said, "What vest? What are you talking about?"

"The bullet proof vest man. Like the one you've got on. Sell me one man."

Then it dawned on me. He saw that outline of my back brace and thought it was a bullet proof vest. I started laughing while they just stared at me. It took me a several seconds to stop laughing enough to tell them it was a back brace and that they definitely didn't want one. The looked a little embarresed when they took off.

I was in two different hospitals for a total of about a month. My rods are about fifteen inches long (from T2 to T9). I broke T4, T5, and T6 so they removed the discs between those vertebrae and used bone chips from my pelvis to help the bone fill in the gaps. The only purpose of my rods was to keep my spine straight while my broken vertebrae healed. In fact, now that the bone is healed my rods serve only to make me uncomfortable when I sit against a hard backed chair. Unfortunately, it's too dangerous to take them out.

I talked to several doctors about the level of activity that I should be able to do safely with the rods in my back. There were one or two that told my to knock off my dangerous behaviour but most of them said I should have no greater risk of spinal injury than I did before. One guy even told me it would take a larger impact to break my back now that it did before (metal reinforced and all). I think the reason I'm not at greater risk is that my rods are confined to my thorasic spine (the part that the ribs are attached to). There's not a whole lot of flexibility in that part of the spine anyway so I didn't lose a lot of flexibility. Anyway, that's what I tell myself.

How long are your rods (damn, yours are bigger than mine)? It sounds like they had to have a go at your spine from the front as well as the back. Yucky. They just went in from the back on me. I'm often annoyed by my rods. I can't even imagine how much it would suck to have them the whole length of my back. I suppose you do have good posture though, eh? Mine actually allow me to slump.

As for thinking about it... I think about it all the damn time. I guess it's been longer for you (7 years?). The other thing is that I was paralyzed from the chest down for almost a month. During the first couple of weeks it was unclear whether or not I'd walk again and to say the breaking your back hurts is a major understatement. I've done a lot of painful things in my time but nothing has ever come even remotely close to that. For instance, a colapsed lung and ruptured spleen are like stubbing your toe in comparison. So, I'm less obsessed with thinking about this crap than I was a year or two ago but it does still occupy my brain with a decent frequency.

holy shit that was long. I really should be working.

well i wasn't exactly thinking about any kind of book....i just noticed that on the boards some folks are able to add in photos and stuff .....i think it would be cool to do one in a gallery style is all and if some one had something in their collection they could sell it or trade it too you....

thanks but my date sucked ass as she was no where near the woman i needed her to be but thanks for your support....peices out...word

have you seen the film adaptation of 'Story of O'?

Its not quite that literal in the film.... the film is very sexy.... about feminine power really.

Oz is ok... you sounds kind of cheeky.... bravo

The thing I desire most is a chunk of knowledge suficiently large as to give me a complete understanding of the origin and destiny of the universe. I don't think I'm gonna get that though so I'll settle for a brand new KTM LC8 (http://www.motorcycle.com/mo/mcktm/mcphotos/00lc801.html)

I updated my profile with all sorts of fun thorasic metal rod stuff for you. You probably never had any of the nerve damage stuff with your scoliosis. The surgury is bad enough but the nerve damage is where things really get exciting. Exciting in a not so fun kind of a way.

As for your girl troubles... Obviously I'm only a distant observer but I've found that there really are some women (probably men too, but that's not my bag baby) that are born to torture us. These femme fatals are usually really hot too. The very most damaging of these are the ones that don't even do it maliciously, they can be in love with you and mangle you at the same time. I've got an ex-girlfriend who's known (I wasn't even the one that gave her this name) as 'the destroyer'. Basically, if you think your woman may be one of these, take my advice and run.

i am sorry you are hurting. wish i could help.

rad, i have this whole weekend coming up off... Gonna go to Warped then be bored the rest of the weekend, doing nothing.

i have never been told i was like anyone famous as far as personality goes, looks yes several people based on looks.

no. i don't think i resemble anyone else, really - physically or personality -wise.

Glad to hear she's back in your life and all...my advice (for what it's worth) is just stay cool...yeah, it's tough, especially in the situation you're talkin about, but it'll pay off...got a fortune cookie once that said "Patience Is The Key To Joy." Yeah, ok, it's just a fortune cookie, but it's been pretty accurate so far...

I just got around to reading what you wrote in that 'are you happy' thread about back surgery. Given that you were 15, I'm going to guess scoliosis (er, I don't know how to spell that, or much of anything). Am I right? Do I win a prize? Did you get the metal rod treatment? Sorry to pry but I'm totally facinated with things that can screw up a spine... Sometimes I feel like one of those freaky old veitnam vets that can't stop talkin' about the Nam. Kind of like Larry (I think that was his name) from the Big Lebowski.

i am so glad you found her again! serendipity is a wonderful thing.

cool

yeah i have, my bestfriend in elementary, my cat, my father, my bestfriend in middleschool, a couple of my gfs... but i knew alot of them were leaving and i wouldnt really care if the majority of them came back.. sorry about not calling you I accidently left your phone # at my friends house.. maybe next time

-jw

it seems like when i move i lose people. more precisely: when i tell people i am moving to a new city, they begin to create a distance between us. i think it is a protection spell.