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tryptamine_____

Svalbard And Jan Mayen

Member Since 2002

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Monday Aug 19, 2002

Aug 19, 2002
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i saw an old friend at hempfest yesterday. hadn't seen him in a year and a half. i expected to see him there, but i wasn't prepared for how nervous and excited i was. when i think about it now, the reason i stopped being friends with him seems really stupid, shallow, and selfish. he was a devoted friend, i threw that away because i was upset one night and he had other plans and couldn't come over to comfort me.

he has a girlfriend now, which i was very happy to see. she seems really cool, too. he seems a LOT happier than he was when i knew him. we sat and talked for awhile as if we had been friends all along and simply not seen each other for a long weekend. then he had to go catch up with kyle.

kyle being my ex. i saw him too, but of course i didn't approach him, for his sake as well as mine. he was with a girl, and i was surprised by the pangs of jealousy that that inspired.

i thought about it a lot this morning. i'm still, STILL not over him. i'm still searching for the intensity and closeness that we had in the arms of others. not finding it, of course. perhaps if i could somehow get his forgiveness for what i did --not grudging, superficial forgiveness, but the real thing-- i could forgive MYSELF for it and move on. but i don't know how to do that. just the thought of approaching him makes my heart beat faster. all the conversations that i make up in my head now would crumble at my feet, with only tears left.

then i saw him on my way to work this morning, across the street. i had to turn my head. it still feels like i'm dying inside sometimes.... i fall into love so easily and come out of it so slow....

do you have an ex you still can't get over? and how do you get yourself to stop thinking in useless circles about it?
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
christine3782:
Nope, never quite got around to it.
Aug 19, 2002
extremeloser:
i had that problem for awhile with my last g/f, everytime i would see her after we had our "split" up if thats what you want to call it my heart would race and all i could do was smile and be overly nice to her. But the bad part was that she was one of my employees and so i saw her almost everyday. But she kicked me out of that by being a using bitch... iam glad i found that out early, so i didnt do somethign stupid like move to LA.. : )
Aug 19, 2002

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