a friend of mine showed up suddenly last night. i let him into my building and went outside to meet him, since i thought he was drunk. so i bummed a cigarette off him and we chatted. but i had never seen him as he was, nodding off in the middle of a drag off a cigarette. he drinks a lot and it never puts him to sleep, just makes him more belligerent. then he tells me he's doing heroine again. after 6 years clean. he says he doesn't care about anything anymore. but i can still see in his eyes that he cares about me.... this sucks.