truthfatal

Time for your monthly Horroscopes!

Pisces:
Your old reaction routine is getting kind of boring. Substitute "Fantastic!" for your currently overused "Wow!"

Aries:
Dress casually for visits to the bathroom this month. Why get toothpaste on your tuxedo.

Taurus:
Engage in a new workout routine involving pogo sticking, break dancing, and street louging. Remember that spandex fits your personality like a glove.

Gemini:
Pieces of ripe fruit replace airplane models as your favorite thing to crush this month. Things really get exciting when you use both feet to crush a pair of pears.

Cancer:
Spend a couple weekends this month thinking about nothing but butter. For every pound of "virtual bread spread" your mind churns, a Portuguese leprechaun will show up and pay you handsomely.

Leo:
If you can't find one of your hands check your pocket. You might also discover an old reciept you're looking for.

Virgo:
Listen to your body hair this month. If it is screaming "make me into a sweater!",Do it!

Libra:
Phone calls from your family become disturbingly hilarious when you are informed you have a chameleon like sibling named slurpy.

Scorpio;
The only thing you should take at face value is your face.

Sagittarius:
Your entire perspective changes with every second that ticks by. See!

Capricorn:
If something is unclear to you, squint.

Aquarius:
If you take a few minutes to walk a mile in another person's shoes, you will be the reason someone is out there crying "who stole my fricken shoes!"

-Blatantly copied from "The Force" gazette-