Hey everyone...How's it goin'? Just a little update for y'alls. Went to the mall and finally got myself a tan today, well I wouldn't say tan, I kinda burned. It wasn't bc I was in the bed too long. It was the damn tanning lotion shit that I bought. Damn I hate that shit!!! Ah well, I guess that's the price you pay if you wanna try to look better. I'm sick of being liquid paper white.
Goddamn I hate myself right now. Being that I am under so much fucking stress, I want a cigarette so fucking bad!! I quit back in November, and haven't had much of a craving, but I got one hell of a craving today, and come to find out, Joe had a cigarette when he went home to his parents' place. Which pissed me off and made me want one even worse!!!! He quit back in October. Or so I thought. Grrrrrrr
That bothers the shit out of me. Now that's all I am thinking about is having one, just one little cigarette. It won't hurt (ya right that's what I said the last time and I ended up smoking a half a pack in about an hour) I want a cigarette!!! 
In other news:
I wish that I would quit going into the pet store at the mall. Today I went in and I saw a puppy that broke my heart. I sat in front of his little cage for a bit and when I went to leave, he started howling. I felt so bad! But goddammit if I am going to spend $749 for a puppy! Purebred AKC certified beagle. Gorgeous little guy, about 2 months old. He was so cute!! I felt bad that I had to leave him there.
I'm going to Morrisville this weekend to spend some time with a friend of mine, so I won't be around all that much. I've got so much going on in my mind right now I'm about to snap. I need to get away from Joe, otherwise I'm going to get into a nasty fight with him. I'll admit that I haven't been a pleasent one to deal with. I mean, God, I'm worried about so much. My friend Michele is anorexic, keeps asking for my help, but when I tell her something that I know from experience will help her, she ignores it. Plus, she's being suicidal again, her parents know all this, they just don't know what to do about it bc they don't want her taken away from them. Then, come to find out, my cousin was deployed to Germany about 2 months ago, and soon will be sent to Iraq, AGAIN. This will be his second time over in Iraq for this war, third tour in Iraq, and his fourth tour overseas. And he's only in his mid 30s, if he's that old. On top of that, my precious dog Reeg passed away over a year ago and I happened to run across the only video footage my family has of her. So that's bringing up memories. I've been trying to take care of everyone else's problems and not my own and it's finally all catching up to me. I'm ready to explode!!! Thank GOD that I am still friends with Alain. He and Joe have been helping me pull through everything, and Alain offered me one of the 3 beds in the temporary room he's staying in on campus (they're on break this week) So I told him that I am going to take him up on that this weekend. Yes, I know I spend an awful lot of time with the ex, but he's like my brother now. We're inseparable.
Sorry about the long update, but I needed to vent!
Goddamn I hate myself right now. Being that I am under so much fucking stress, I want a cigarette so fucking bad!! I quit back in November, and haven't had much of a craving, but I got one hell of a craving today, and come to find out, Joe had a cigarette when he went home to his parents' place. Which pissed me off and made me want one even worse!!!! He quit back in October. Or so I thought. Grrrrrrr
That bothers the shit out of me. Now that's all I am thinking about is having one, just one little cigarette. It won't hurt (ya right that's what I said the last time and I ended up smoking a half a pack in about an hour) I want a cigarette!!!
In other news:
I wish that I would quit going into the pet store at the mall. Today I went in and I saw a puppy that broke my heart. I sat in front of his little cage for a bit and when I went to leave, he started howling. I felt so bad! But goddammit if I am going to spend $749 for a puppy! Purebred AKC certified beagle. Gorgeous little guy, about 2 months old. He was so cute!! I felt bad that I had to leave him there.
I'm going to Morrisville this weekend to spend some time with a friend of mine, so I won't be around all that much. I've got so much going on in my mind right now I'm about to snap. I need to get away from Joe, otherwise I'm going to get into a nasty fight with him. I'll admit that I haven't been a pleasent one to deal with. I mean, God, I'm worried about so much. My friend Michele is anorexic, keeps asking for my help, but when I tell her something that I know from experience will help her, she ignores it. Plus, she's being suicidal again, her parents know all this, they just don't know what to do about it bc they don't want her taken away from them. Then, come to find out, my cousin was deployed to Germany about 2 months ago, and soon will be sent to Iraq, AGAIN. This will be his second time over in Iraq for this war, third tour in Iraq, and his fourth tour overseas. And he's only in his mid 30s, if he's that old. On top of that, my precious dog Reeg passed away over a year ago and I happened to run across the only video footage my family has of her. So that's bringing up memories. I've been trying to take care of everyone else's problems and not my own and it's finally all catching up to me. I'm ready to explode!!! Thank GOD that I am still friends with Alain. He and Joe have been helping me pull through everything, and Alain offered me one of the 3 beds in the temporary room he's staying in on campus (they're on break this week) So I told him that I am going to take him up on that this weekend. Yes, I know I spend an awful lot of time with the ex, but he's like my brother now. We're inseparable.
Sorry about the long update, but I needed to vent!
I like being pale... wish I was paler
I don't like going to pet stores, I don't think pets belong there and I can't rescue them all.
*more hugs*
Take care of you