trouble_

So its officially over.
After looking back on the facts.
Trying so hard to stay logical...
I realized I never needed this,
as much as I loved him,
as much as he loved me,
his addiction was too powerful...
It tore us apart,
as could only be expected.
I'm just feeling cold now...
Cold and alone.
I have some stupid tests to do,
so I'm hiding at my mum's this week...
Hoping that somehow being here
will distract me.
Hide the truth long enough
so that I can return home
and breathe.
I just need my friends now,
I need those comforting words,
that can never really comfort
this pain...
I'll miss him.
I'll miss what I believed he could be,
what somehow I was going to make him.
I'll miss our plans for the future.
The ones that could never come true
if he weren't to change...
I'll miss that stupid, stupid love.
That blinded me and made it possible
to cover my eyes,
and live in darkness
and fumble blindly
in fraudulent ecstacy.
Somehow in his weakness,
he made me strong.
He made me able to forgive myself
as I forgave him...
But for all the wrong reasons
was this relationship right.
And that's why It's over...
Why I'm hiding.
And weak.
Trying so hard to grasp
what the fuck just happened.
It's too late.
It's been too late since day one.
Hopefully next time...
I'll keep my eyes open.
I won't start dreaming too early.

Love you guys.