trouble_

So I had the worst experience of my life friday night.
As anyone who read my blogs knows... my boyfriend is a drug addict.
I invited him over for dinner on friday (I usually go to his place and we order/eat out),
for my special hamburgers that I made all by my little self.
And he showed up late, and blitz out of his mind.
Anyways, feeling bad he gave me the drugs.
I'm an ex drug addict.. and he gave me fifty bucks worth of ketamin.
Now... for some reason I brought it with me when we went to my friends house...
I was feeling really lonely, kindve drunk.
Everyone was french.. I normally understand, but when everyones tipsy it gets a little quick and confusing.
Anyways, I snuck off and took the tiniest line of the shit. I didn't feel anything.
Felt bad, gave the drugs back to my boyfriend.
then knowing he would use them.. I snatch them back and he watched me take a gigantic line of the shit.
Within five minutes I was tripping my ass off.
Like the worst trip of my life, and I've overdone a lot of shit.
I had no idea where I was, what was real, if anyone could hear me.
I felt like I was drowning.
For what felt like 8 fucking hours, that was really only 45 minutes.
The whole time I was yelling about who the fuck would want to do this to themselves, begging my boyfriend to make it stop, while everyone tried to calm me down so that I wouldn't make the trip any worse by freaking myself out.
After the worst was over my boyfriend drove us back to his place...
I was shaking and couldn't close the window no matter how cold I was... I was so scared.
I told him I could never forgive him for ever taking this. Especially now that I know what the fuck it does.
It was insane.
It was like all my senses had gone bezerk.
Actually, a good way to describe it is Alice in Wonderland.
And it sucked.
I will never, ever touch any fucking illegal substance ever again.
That was bullshit, my friends, bullshit.
I don't think I'll ever be quite the same.
My friends are still telling me I sound nervous and odd.
It took me 2 hours to urge myself to go out into the sun today, and I only stayed out for 40 minutes.
I can't believe he let me take it. I can't believe I was stupid enough to take it. I can't believe anyone would do that to themselves on purpose.
I think it has brought my boyfriend and I closer together.
But it has also changed me. Probably for the better...
I will never, ever look carelessly upon any drug anymore.
That was not a fucking joke.
I seriously rather drink until I puke for a month straight, then ever take a line of that shit ever again.