trouble_

So, I got my new ink and I looove. But I'm waiting for the guy to send me a picture, because then it will be nice and not crappy from my cheapass webcam.
On a worse note... I think my cat is sick. She's throwing up and has diarrhea... I'm really scared. My mother says that could be serious in kittens. I may have to get her to the vet tomorrow.
I don't want to get ahead of everything, but I really want to cry if she's sick. I need her to be well. I need something to be okay right now, and this is not okay...
I'm really worried about my boyfriend and his drug addiction. I wish I could snap my fingers and he would be better. I have been clean for two years and 4 1/2 months now... I know how hard it is to quit.. but I don't see him even trying. When he comes to my place and refuses to look me in the eye, and I just start pouring myself drinks to help me pretend I don't see past his farce... It's getting really hard.
For some reason I can't talk about it. I just scream. When its right in front of me I scream, and then I go blank. Like I withdraw from the reality of the situation so I don't have to deal, so I don't have to remember, so I don't have to feel these feelings I was so determined to be through with.
I need him to understand this, but he is so selfish... like all addicts... He won't see. He doesn't see that he isn't just hurting himself anymore. I want a future with him. I want to be able to think forwards... but lately every day is a fight.
I need something to be okay.