I've been portraying myself in a light that isn't true, you see I'm actually an asshole; see "complete jerk", "wanker", etc. etc. You may be in a state of disbelief but I've brought evidence:
1) There was the female clerk that worked in the video store I frequented in my teens that always gave me shit about late charges, called my mother to ask if I was allowed to rent certain films, and fucked with me in any other way a person in that position could. So on my 18th birthday I made my way into the "Adult section" as a rite of passage and proceeded to chose whatever tickled my fancy. Approaching the counter I could see in her eyes that I was fair game and she was preparing some torture for me, however I was prepared. As she read the title of the fare I'd picked-out her eyebrows rose high on her forehead, and just as she was about to deny me I locked eyes with her and said "My hand is a slut." and proceeded to gently but firmly drape my right hand on her face. The manager said it would be best if I found somewhere else to go in the future.
2) One time a girl had been stringing my friend along for quire a while, now we were all at a party at her house that was winding down and this same friend of mine was chilling with me in a set of loungers trying to figure out our next move. Then out of nowhere this girl called my name from the top of the stairs and asked me to come talk in her room (the fact that she was wearing a bed sheet lent me to believe she might have designs other than verbal communication). As I glanced at my bewildered friend my eye caught the TV that I had until then been ignoring and I said " I 'd love to come and see you but I haven't seen this episode of Star Trek in ages I'll be up later." Once we finished watching TV we stole all the food in her fridge.
3) I used to sneak into Christian day-camps and pretend to be whatever domination the event was to make-out with the girls.
4) When I first started in funeral service I was a janitor and had to do lots of boring menial tasks. Well the bike shop next door noticed we had a twenty foot ladder and one day they sent a young clerk to borrow it. As I was leading him down into the basement (that's where it was stored) he stopped and in a voice that only had a little shakiness asked "Are there like any dead bodies down there?" I replied matter-of-factly "Don't worry, once the light goes on they all scatter." Never did see that kid again.
Ah, confession does make the soul feel lighter.
1) There was the female clerk that worked in the video store I frequented in my teens that always gave me shit about late charges, called my mother to ask if I was allowed to rent certain films, and fucked with me in any other way a person in that position could. So on my 18th birthday I made my way into the "Adult section" as a rite of passage and proceeded to chose whatever tickled my fancy. Approaching the counter I could see in her eyes that I was fair game and she was preparing some torture for me, however I was prepared. As she read the title of the fare I'd picked-out her eyebrows rose high on her forehead, and just as she was about to deny me I locked eyes with her and said "My hand is a slut." and proceeded to gently but firmly drape my right hand on her face. The manager said it would be best if I found somewhere else to go in the future.
2) One time a girl had been stringing my friend along for quire a while, now we were all at a party at her house that was winding down and this same friend of mine was chilling with me in a set of loungers trying to figure out our next move. Then out of nowhere this girl called my name from the top of the stairs and asked me to come talk in her room (the fact that she was wearing a bed sheet lent me to believe she might have designs other than verbal communication). As I glanced at my bewildered friend my eye caught the TV that I had until then been ignoring and I said " I 'd love to come and see you but I haven't seen this episode of Star Trek in ages I'll be up later." Once we finished watching TV we stole all the food in her fridge.
3) I used to sneak into Christian day-camps and pretend to be whatever domination the event was to make-out with the girls.
4) When I first started in funeral service I was a janitor and had to do lots of boring menial tasks. Well the bike shop next door noticed we had a twenty foot ladder and one day they sent a young clerk to borrow it. As I was leading him down into the basement (that's where it was stored) he stopped and in a voice that only had a little shakiness asked "Are there like any dead bodies down there?" I replied matter-of-factly "Don't worry, once the light goes on they all scatter." Never did see that kid again.
Ah, confession does make the soul feel lighter.
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*snicker*
3) I used to sneak into Christian day-camps and pretend to be whatever domination the event was to make-out with the girls.
Wish I'd thought of that one....