Ok so this place is supposed to be where I can do thinking and work things out.
One thing I realize after only one week: WoW is terrible for me. I'm not able to play it a reasonable amount of time. I've not worked out all week, and I've eaten a crazy amount of junk food. Plus (and this is the very sad bit), I'm dreaming video game. I HATE that. I've not had a creative thought in about 4 years, and this is not helping me back on the road to feeling something again.
I think I'd call WoW the crystal meth of videogames.
I need to change my life radically, but I'm not sure where to start. Again, like last spring, I'm toying with applying for engineering. Why am I interested in engineering? Because it has the potential to be creative. I would be using my brain. I don't think the job would be repetitive. I can't handle repetitive tasks, they numb out my poor addled head.
But then I think, am I seeking to take engineering to provide myself with a) a set plan for the next x years or b) just thinking of financial benefits or c) scared of trying something less structured for fear of being lost? Maybe it's all of these.
Then I think about A. How does going back to school affect any possibilities we may have for working out? I don't want to base my life decisions on that, and I know he wouldn't want me to. He's said as much. As well it wouldn't be fair to him. The fact is, I like A very much, and I could see myself very happy with him. I have no idea how to get to that place. Then I think about thinking that, and have to chide myself for not just enjoying what we have now.
Could I be a writer? That's the background question. I don't think I have the skills I once had. I do think, though, that if I started reading again and writing again, much of it would come back. The thought of being a writer scares me. It's like freefalling. It does please me to write though. Well it pleases me after it hurts a great deal.
What to do, what to do?
One thing I realize after only one week: WoW is terrible for me. I'm not able to play it a reasonable amount of time. I've not worked out all week, and I've eaten a crazy amount of junk food. Plus (and this is the very sad bit), I'm dreaming video game. I HATE that. I've not had a creative thought in about 4 years, and this is not helping me back on the road to feeling something again.
I think I'd call WoW the crystal meth of videogames.
I need to change my life radically, but I'm not sure where to start. Again, like last spring, I'm toying with applying for engineering. Why am I interested in engineering? Because it has the potential to be creative. I would be using my brain. I don't think the job would be repetitive. I can't handle repetitive tasks, they numb out my poor addled head.
But then I think, am I seeking to take engineering to provide myself with a) a set plan for the next x years or b) just thinking of financial benefits or c) scared of trying something less structured for fear of being lost? Maybe it's all of these.
Then I think about A. How does going back to school affect any possibilities we may have for working out? I don't want to base my life decisions on that, and I know he wouldn't want me to. He's said as much. As well it wouldn't be fair to him. The fact is, I like A very much, and I could see myself very happy with him. I have no idea how to get to that place. Then I think about thinking that, and have to chide myself for not just enjoying what we have now.
Could I be a writer? That's the background question. I don't think I have the skills I once had. I do think, though, that if I started reading again and writing again, much of it would come back. The thought of being a writer scares me. It's like freefalling. It does please me to write though. Well it pleases me after it hurts a great deal.
What to do, what to do?
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~cheers
The thing about writing is, if you ever were good at it, it's like riding a bike. You never really lose your talent. Good luck in whichever you choose.